when the publicists confirm it, it's official. kate bosworth and orlando bloom have called it quits after nearly 3 years of dating. this comes as great news to lord of the rings fans all over the world. now if only orlando would don that long golden wig again.

gossip was interesting back in 2001, too. let's revisit some of the highlights from four years ago.

as we reached the end of the first month of 2001, people were buzzing with the news that:

catherine zeta-jones would be left out of consideration for the role of maria callas in a biopic of the singer because she was too secure with her looks. must be that security that lead her to later smoke a cigarette topless and pregnant on her balcony in mexico.

ewan mcgregor was getting over an exhausting trip to central america he took for a bbc documentary. some things never change, mcgregor recently took an exhausting motorcycle trip around the world for another tv documentary.

steven spielberg had been knighted. the director was made an honorary knight of the british empire, but declined the title of sir, unlike anthony hopkins and ian mckellan.

famke janssen had dumped ben affleck for a "mystery man". good move on her part. we'd dump ben affleck for the trash man.

kevin smith was super pissed about being listed on premiere magazine's 12 stars that were losing their edge. the director went on to direct the indisputably edgy jersey girl.

on january 31, 2001:

justin timberlake entered his second decade.

paul scheer was half way to the big 5-0.

portia derossi turned 28.

patricia velasquez turned 30.

minnie driver turned 31.

danny moder turned 32.

sade turned 35.

kelly lynch and anthony lapaglia turned 42.

philip glass turned 64.

britpoppa's semi-weekly celebrity guessing game brings you proof that hollywood's biggest sham religions do get along. here we see a scientologist and a kabbalist making friendly while spending a lovely los angeles day hitting the shops. do you know who they are? leave your guesses in the comments section and return wednesday evening for the reveal.

we have to admit, we were going through a little bit of mary-kate and ashley withdrawal. lucky for us, they were going through a little bit of shopping withdrawal and got caught on film.

minnie driver won't get out of bed for less than $6,000/day. she recently had her rep call a volkswagen spokesperson to see how much their gift bag was worth at sundance. when she heard it was valued at a "measly" $6,000, she did not attend the event.

wanna see tara reid's wedding on "the ellen degeneres show"? yeah, me either, but the surgically augmented starlet has promised to be wed on the program if she finds a soulmate through it. she's asked viewers to send in tapes if they are interested in dating her.

jennifer lopez is desperate to hear the pitter patter of little feet. she's so anxious to become pregnant with marc anthony's child that she's started praying to a statue in a homemade shrine.

if you want the real gossip, ask a restauranteur. the owner of nyc hot spot lotus, jeffrey jah, spilled the dirt on several celebrities in a recent interview. according to jah, mark wahlberg has been kicked out twice, tobey maguire will not sit near joaquin phoenix and puff daddy, naomi campbell and paris hilton expect their meals comped.

gwen stefani wears her religion on her sleeveless shirt as she jogs in la. it takes hard work to keep up with those harajuku girls.

britney spears is continuing her makeover of her husband, kevin federline. she was recently present for his details photoshoot where she convinced the photographer to shoot kevin again for l'uomo vogue. we sure wish someone would shoot kevin.

are you a fan of "project runway's" jay mcconnell? well, aren't we all? designer abbe diaz is one of the many and she's offered him a section at her nyc boutique, bagutta life.

lara flynn boyle has taken after her character in wayne's world and gone completely psycho hose beast. while on a flight to london, she stripped down and tried to get in bed with another passenger.

unlikely imdb news:

orlando bloom/kate bosworth update: this time orlando has broken it off. next week, expect speculation that they are engaged.

jennifer aniston is suspected to be dating vincent cassel, husband of monica bellucci. bellucci is not mentioned in story.

"dude, check out those slopes!" tobey maguire uses his spidey sense while snowboarding in park city, ut.

"will you marry flea?" the bassist of the red hot chili peppers proposed to his model girlfriend, frankie rayder, with a "fat diamond ring". rayder said, "yes".

if britpoppa's favorite band, blur, is right, wife swapping is the future, but it sure didn't suit jude law and sadie frost. according to the british tabloid, news of the world, sadie started the swap when she did a sexy striptease for supergrass drummer, danny goffey and his girlfriend, pearl lowe. as the couples traded off, things got out of control when jude became obsessed with pearl, infuriating sadie. but the swinging isn't the only detail revealed by the tab. notd also states that sienna miller is 27, not 23 as is widely held.

here's proof that the ivy leagues will do anything to matriculate a celebrity: haylie duff said at sundance that she's headed to harvard to study sociology.

keira knightley could never be a stripper. she attended lap dancing classes for her role in domino, but was unable to get the moves down. she had to get a body double for the bottom half because, according to the actress, "i couldn't bend in the way you're meant to bend."

eva mendes keeps a low profile as she strolls down the street. she'll need to stay on the dl if hitch makes her a huge star.

britpoppa presents you with a lovely picture of jude law and his bitches (sienna miller definitely included).

well this really does nothing to disprove the stereotype that lesbians move too fast in relationships. portia derossi has purchased her new lover, ellen degeneres, a platinum tiffany wedding band.

jamie pressly, star of such b-movies as the karate dog and poison ivy: the new seduction, has plans to release a rock cd. we can't hardly wait!

the gray powder brad pitt's been keeping in his glove compartment is not the ashes of his dead relationship with jennifer aniston. it's actually "dried bat" given to him by his (more than?) friend, angelina jolie.

popbitch is claiming that jessica simpson may have her eyes on another man. apparently adam levine of maroon 5 has received a voicemail from a woman whispering that she's in love with him. the rumor is, it was none other than the newlywed herself. jess, before you do anything drastic, peep this picture of the man with his shirt off. eww! jess may be kinky enough to have an affair; she's been reading jenna jameson's book and admits she likes to watch pornos now and again.

scarlett johansson proves that no matter how young, beautiful and glamorous you are, if you're shoveling in the grub, you're going to look like a pig.

beyonce spares no expense on her hair. her newest wig is worth $50k, is 3 ft. long, made from all "european hair" (thank god, we hate antarctic hair) and took the (certainly well-paid [haha]) chinese craftsmen 10 days to create. one celeb who's definitely impressed with the diva is nicole richie. she's named her chihuahua beyonce.

according to holy moly, chris martin has prohibited his wife, gwyneth paltrow from hanging out with kate moss. she's too much of a bad influence. also, on the guess ad campaign, paris hilton insisted on having her make-up put on while she lay down. it's really no surprise since, she's used to being on her back.

here's proof that bostonians will do almost anything to stay warm. as of 10:54 am, est, it's 13 degrees there.

captain jack sparrow will be making at least two more appearances on the silver screen. keira knightley recently revealed that she's just finished filming two sequels to pirates of the caribbean back to back.

even halle berry looks her age (38) when she doesn't have her make up on. she's shown here with her (silver spring native) boyfriend, michael ealy.

the man in the now-famous picture of first daughter jenna bush being dipped and nuzzled is her father's 26-year-old campaign aide, henry hager. they've been dating since august. just like me and the boy.

it seems kate moss and pete doherty have replaced renee zellweger as the new on-again off-again couple du jour. though, the sun reported just two days ago that the model had dumped her druggie, they're now saying that pete has plans to marry kate. and their rival, the mirror, reports that kate can't help herself from loving pete, even though she knows he's bad news.

poor rick salomon. he can't manage to get any freebies at sundance and has to settle for shannen dohery's left-overs. britpoppa wouldn't lay a finger on shannen's left-overs. there's no telling where they've been.

the olsens have made another step towards independence. they've parted ways with their freaky-haired business partner, robert thorne.

jake gyllenhaal has shed his locks for an upcoming role as a marine. we'd let him patrol our grounds any time.

from the looks of this picture, it seems like lohan freestyle made a severe oversight in leaving out x-tina.

regis may not have to fill in for dick clark next new year's eve. he's finally been released from the hospital after his december stroke.

martha stewart and george w. bush have something in common, a love of brooks and dunn. martha's been learning the steps to the "boot scoot boogie" dance while serving time in west virginia. she's also been "working on her next book, exercising, teaching yoga, reading mail, crocheting and watching tv." britpoppa could use some jail time, if that's how it is.

while drew barrymore, cameron diaz and christina aguilera may be trying to plan their weddings in secret, kelly rowland of destiny's child may be trying to call her wedding to cowboys star, roy williams, off in secret. guests have been notified that the planned date has been cancelled, but her rep claims it will be rescheduled.

everything is going swimmingly for kelly's destiny's child colleague, beyonce knowles's new clothing and jewelry line. the house of dereon will begin releasing products in the fall.

look out london, mimi's coming! mariah carey is looking to buy a home in the city when she stars in a musical there later this year. also house hunting is tiger woods. he just bought a spacious apartment in a chic neighborhood in his wife, elin nordegren's hometown of stockholm, sweden.

ben affleck and jennifer garner are grocery shopping. they must be getting married!

nicole kidman luckily escaped the fate of princess diana after being chased down by paparazzi last sunday. she successfully gained a restraining order against the photographers who engineered the chase as well as placed a listening device in her home. you go, girl.

pamela anderson is at it again. just days after taking a pr woman's coat at the diesel lounge at sundance, she tried to walk off with a one of a kind pair of swarovski prototype ski goggles from the fred segal salon.

ny daily news gossip:

it takes more than connections to get an internship with esteemed photographer annie leibovitz. even uncle jesse couldn't get one for mary-kate olsen.

tinkerbell will have to share paris hilton's affections with a new friend. she recently rescued a rottweiler from an animal shelter.

looks like the bachelor party is still going for kevin federline. he recently took in a lap dance in las vegas with his boys.

gwen stefani's harajuku girls are taking their image too far. while they all speak english, their contract forbids them to speak in anything but japanese.

what good is the darkness without catsuits? the british rock group's lead singer, justin hawkins, has been banned from wearing his signature outfits and from doing any pelvic thrusts while playing in dubai.

nicole, next time hold out for true religion or blue cult. ms. richie may be trying to extend her reputation as a fan of "the simple life". she's taken after rachel bilson and signed on to model low-end bongo jeans.

want to tickle dustin hoffman's funny bone? make a fart joke. he tortured his meet the fockers co-stars with a juvenile fart machine that he got from a prop guy.

cameron diaz sports her new cast while out with fiance(?), justin timberlake. the plaster arm band is a result of a mystery injury and has cammie struggling to feed herself. it seems more likely that momma timberlake, and not her cast, is delaying her big day.

it's a good thing for ashanti she moved on to nelly. her ex-boyfriend and founder of her record label, irv gotti, was charged with money laundering in a crack and heroin operation. the dudes from office space sure could have used gotti's help.

now we know how j. lo keeps that junk in the trunk. she recently requested "soft baked chocolate chip cookies, sour cream-and-onion potato chips, nacho cheese doritos, m&ms, snickers, hershey bars, white bread, american cheese and caffeine-free pepsi 'NOT DIET'" for her dressing room at the world music awards.

glory hallelujah! britpoppa can finally stop crying. the rape charges pressed against anthony anderson, star of "hang time", back in july have been dismissed due to "suspicious testimony".

alicia keys must be the most down to earth diva on the planet. she spent her 24th birthday in new york, cosmic bowling. "i'm the worst bowler on the planet," she said. care to make a wager on that, miss keys? britpoppa is a notoriously awful bowler.

elizabeth hurley is trying to get down to her ideal weight of 105 pounds the old fashioned way. no, not eating well and exercising. she's starving herself. way to be a role model, liz.

penelope cruz survived an attempted purse snatching last sunday in paris, resulting in her hiring her first bodyguard. two thieves broke the window of her mercedes with a rock, but were stopped when her chauffeur sped off.

kylie ponders the idea of covering the bangles on her next album while out at the paris couture shows. you know, cause she's wearing those big bracelets.

hardly a soul ventured to guess at the latest semi-weekly celebrity guessing game. the two guesses we did receive, nicole richie and britney spears, were pretty good. we could see either of these ladies pulling the major wardrobe misstep of the heinous bronze cowboy boots. but, the fashion victim here was jay-z's first lady herself, beyonce. can i get a what what?

"are you looking at my nonexistent breasts?" wonders kate bosworth as she spots a paparazzi documenting her walking the dog.

so i guess jennifer garner isn't completely oblivious. she told michael vartan that elektra was awful. unfortunately, her daredevil contract obligated her to do it.

kate moss is a real class act. she already broke off things with pete doherty, who yesterday declared his love for her. she did the dumping via text message. could it have been pal, sadie frost's influence?

another crushing blow to the gals still crushing on julian casablancas of the strokes: his fiancee, juliet joslin, has been wedding gown shopping. in fact, she's the friend who was eyeing gowns with drew barrymore.

wanna see some pictures of halle berry mud wrestling? . . . oh, i forgot to mention she was doing said wrestling with a pig.

the britney downfall continues. ms. spears-federline has developed another personality. when she acts bitchy, she calls herself "mona lisa". if that's the case, we're thinking she must rarely go by britney anymore.

kelly osbourne points and laughs at a mullet, unaware of the ironic fact that she is sporting the worst bowl cut britpoppa has ever seen.

big surprise. snoop dogg has weed on his rider. he included premium grade on the list of required backstage goodies for his concert at sundance monday (where tobey maguire showed off his white boy moves).

emma "baby spice" bunton sex secrets: she lost her virginity when she was 16, she's never had a threesome and melanie "sporty spice" chisholm once gave her a vibrator as a gift.

what could make your cell phone even tackier than that jenna jameson wallpaper you put on it in a drunken stupor? that jenna jameson moan tone you put on it while completely sober.

don't be surprised if you find a few new coldplay tracks online. some of their upcoming album has been leaked, which has the band in a panic.

elijah wood experiments with the elvis look at sundance. oh let him be your teddy bear.

britpoppa has a lot of meetings at work today. we're very busy and important. come back in the afternoon for your fix . . . if you dare!

enough with the hubbub, let's let the retrospective gossip begin.

on this day in 2001 people were whispering that:

julia roberts was going to wed benjamin bratt. only five months later, they actually split up, sans nuptials. it's all good, though. they're both married with children now.

johnny depp would take the part of chuck barris, originally intended for mike myers, in confessions of a dangerous mind. the film was to be directed by bryan singer. the role eventually went to sam rockwell and served as george clooney's directorial debut.

tom cruise's cousin, william mapother, would be the next thing. have you heard of him? neither has britpoppa.

russell crowe was gettin' jiggy with courtney love. the two spent the night together after the golden globes. these days, you couldn't get an a-list actor to touch courtney with a ten foot pole.

anthony edwards was going to leave "er". unfortunately for this top gun star, his post-emergency room career turned out to be more julianna marguiles than george clooney.

four years ago today:

mia kirshner turned 26.

alicia keys turned 20.

in this week's edition of hart britpoppa vows to bring you even more half-assed gossip reporting. read on for further explanation.

britpoppa's just might be the one household in america that does not watch "desperate housewives". we gave the first episode a try, but we didn't give a damn what was buried under that swimming pool or who teri hatcher was going to lay next. we had enough of the hag back when she was lois lane. and that's just the problem. this show is full of has-beens (hatcher, nicolette sheridan) and never-wases (eva longoria, jesse metcalfe). the only thing it has going for it is marcia cross and that's not really saying much. the final straw was when they graced the cover of us weekly. if your name isn't jennifer, britney, lindsay or brad, you really don't belong there.

we're especially peeved by the fact that everyone seems to think that the topic is so ground-breaking. i mean, didn't any of these people read the feminine mystique? the idea of frustrated home-makers is far from new. it has surfaced in numerous forms in entertainment in recent years including, but certainly not limited to, serial mom, far from heaven and "roseanne". "desperate housewives" is no more refreshing than a bottle of flat sprite. it's simply "melrose place" for suburban 40-somethings.

because of our disgust with the latest television phenomenon, we've decided to pull a lloyd grove and declare that we will never report "desperate housewives" gossip again. eva longoria could be abducted by aliens and we wouldn't give her one sentence. teri hatcher could walk out of the house in a full-on lara flynn boyle tutu and we wouldn't post the pics. basically, unless one of them does something worthy of the yahoo news front page (or leaves the show), you won't hear about them here. this is britpoppa, signing off.

katie holmes seems to be the latest in a long line of shrinking celebrities. maybe she thinks having a chanel bag that weighs more than she does is the key to getting some good movie roles again.

armageddon is upon us. the counting crows have been nominated for an oscar. britpoppa's favorite nods: cate blanchett, natalie portman, clive owen, kate winslet, lemony snicket for costumes, eternal sunshine for original screenplay, before sunset for adapted screenplay and our marty for the aviator. if anyone could get britpoppa in a may/december, it would be marty. delish.

no one gets between pamela anderson and her latest conquest. and we're not talking about her men, either. (she apparently got into a screaming match with current b-list beau, stephen dorff at sundance's marquee on friday. [is he really b-list because i read somewhere else that he was c-list?]) no, pamela's a true material girl. she took the diesel coat right off a pr aide's back. bitch.

paige davis may soon be trading careers. she has been let go from tlc's uber hit, "trading spaces", allegedly due to poor ratings. the real reason may have to do with her raunchy strip tease at a fundraiser last summer and the rumors of a (fake) internet sex tape.

it seems details of nicole kidman's personal life are to die for. the actress recently discovered that her home was bugged with a listening device. and don't spread rumors about her aussie pal, russell crowe's, talent with a screwdriver. he's fighting back at claims that he couldn't build an ikea crib. why would he buy an ikea crib? isn't he like a bazillionaire (same source)?

if page six is to be believed (haha), paris hilton is a real romantic. she wrote her backstreet beau, nick carter some love and apology notes last year that fell into the hands of the tabloid paper. the notes feature puppies, magazine cut-outs and such sweet nothings as "you are the shit" and "paris feels real pain".

even scarier than skinny miss holmes is puny miss armstrong. samaire showed off her finest moves with her new co-star, lindsay lohan, at a girls gone wild party in new orleans. classy.

"project runway's" morgan quinn, the flighty model with the walk from heaven, is proving to be the model from hell in real life as well as the show. last week, she missed a photo shoot because of a "car accident" and a subsequent "concussion". "i'm not Naomi Campbell, you know," said quinn. yeah, at least naomi has the looks to back up the attitude.

pete doherty's a smitten kitten for kate moss. he's openly declared his love for her (after, what? a week?) and they've even gotten matching tattoos of each other's initials inside hearts. what won over pete? not kate's fame or beauty, but her "beautiful soul".

julia stiles seems to have a real green thumb. she recently brought a rescued plant to a party for jailbird, david lachapelle, because she was afraid it wasn't getting enough light. yeah, those hip parties are always really well lit.

perv alert: keira knightley may be dropping her top in her upcoming movie, the jacket, with adrien brody. but as far as future nude scenes go, keira says, "you're not going to see my arse! the top half is fine but the bottom half isn't." also, for pervs stuck in the '80s, deborah "debbie" gibson will follow fellow teeny bopper, tiffany, and pose for next month's playboy.

clothier to the stars, fred segal was almost the site of a lesbian cat fight when portia derossi arrived while ellen degeneres's ex, alexandra hedison was waiting for a smoothie. hedison headed over to tackle derossi, but her friends thankfully got in the way.

did elisha cuthbert get some bizarre plastic surgery or is it just us? could be that buying your clothes from forever 21 and dating a guy with a trucker hat that says "if it flies, it dies" makes anyone look cheap.

before you go and spit on someone again, make sure she's not a friend of michelle rodriguez. bijou phillips made the mistake of projectile salivating on michelle's bud over an ex-boyfriend and wound up running from the girlfight star the rest of the night. "i could urinate on her," said rodriguez. unfortunately, bijou might be the type of gal who would like that, michelle.

lindsay, will your hate for hillary duff ever end? i mean, it was just aaron carter and he's an incredible douche. but anyway, the feud is clearly still going strong as lohan recently ripped down a picture of duff from the set of her new movie, just my luck.

stockard channing has been charged with drunk driving and will be arraigned february 9. at the time she was pulled over, the grease star was driving her car, "sloshed lightning".

everyone's favorite indie rock cameo man, jack white, will make his next appearance on beck's upcoming record. we hear that hansen allowed white to commiserate on the album in exchange for his commitment to scientology (via pink is the new blog).

it's a girl! britpoppa sends congrats to j.k. rowling, who gave birth to a healthy baby girl on sunday in edinburgh.

shame on you, ashanti. it looks like you and nelly are more than friends in this pic. is it us or is it getting hot in herre?

perhaps you've noticed that britpoppa hasn't been up to standards lately. our home computer is down. it makes it difficult for us to do things like post mp3s and such. plus, we have the winter doldrums and just don't feel like doing much talking. the one thing we have launched is our use of the royal "we". we hope you enjoy all the obnoxiousness that it implies.

of course, the only thing more obnoxious than a person pretentiously referring to herself as "we", might be the boots picture above. hot damn, they're ugly. who would be so ridiculous as to wear them out in public? i'm not giving any clues to this semi-weekly celebrity guessing game. the lime-light tag is more than enough for you ingenues out there. so leave your guesses in the comments section. i'll post a full picture of the offender on wednesday evening.

welcome to an all-sundance illustrated edition of britpoppa, featuring keri russell in an urban outfitters t-shirt. celebs - they dress like you (if k.r. even counts as a celeb any more)! see also, paris hilton in last year's arden b chanel knock-off blazer.

paris was having all sorts of trouble at the film festival, having to dodge her ex, rick salomon, and his reunited girlfriend, shannen doherty, several times. life is so hard for an heiress. maybe we'll finally understand what it's like when she opens her chain of stores featuring innumerable paris hilton items.

still sulking over the fact you didn't get to rub elbows with heidi klum and hillary clinton at the trump wedding on saturday? pretend you were there with these photos.

who's the next celeb to walk down the aisle? may be drew barrymore. she was wedding gown shopping with a friend in nyc recently (via a socialite's life). or could it be christina aguilera? celebrity spies have seen her boyfriend, jordan bratman, out ring shopping.

simon cowell is probably used to people mistaking him for the grinch, but not a homeless person. he was recently given $2 by a couple who saw him standing outside the ivy and suspected he was a vagrant.

the way michael vartan's been sulking around hollywood, he's likely to never be kissed again. star magazine says he is still upset over his break up with jennifer garner and having to film steamy love scenes with her is no help.

you've gotta bundle up when your band is called the frozen embryos, right jared leto? no wait, your real band's called 30 seconds to mars, so what's your excuse for that hat?

man, those celebrity photographers stay up pretty late. david lachapelle was arrested outside marquee's temporary location at sundance on saturday morning at 8 am. he was apparently disturbing the peace.

also disturbing the peace at sundance was ex-potential first daughter, alexandra kerry. she went in to the converse suite and made a fuss, requesting several pairs of shoes, even though the clerk was busy with someone else. "i am NOT impressed with what's going on here," said kerry to the clerk. it takes a lot to impress a kerry.

apparently a "worst-dresser" can impress a heinz, though. kerry's half-brother, chris heinz, is finally able to go public with his relationship with diane kruger now that she has split from her husband. kruger is most recently known for her horrible golden globes gown and her horrible film, wicker park.

how was this rumor not spread more quickly. angelina jolie wants to adopt a tsunami orphan. of course she does. julia roberts was also deeply affected by the disaster and has matched sandra bullock's $1 million donation, which she put in her twins's names.

it work'd for punk'd. ashton kutcher is set to host another reality show, this time for the wb. the show will be called "beauty and the geek" and it pairs bimbos with nerds to see who is the most compatible. this one sounds like a real winner.

kylie just can't get her lost royalties out of her head. she's suing her former producer for money she claims he owes her from a re-release of a greatest hits album.

while no one can deny that keira knightley and her man are looking cute on the festival circuit, britpoppa wishes she would grow her hair long again.

let's hope the termination of proenza schouler designers, jack mccollough and lazaro hernandez's relationship will not mean the termination of their amazing line of clothing. the two have gotten their own apartments, but will continue with their label for now.

puff daddy must have really gotten into the life of a stage actor when he performed last year in "a raisin in the sun." he's now toying with the idea of buying andrew lloyd webber's london theaters. i've always liked the idea of a black hamlet.

poor christian slater. first, he nearly misses being knifed, and now he's splitting up with his wife of 4 years, ryan haddon. maybe she got fed up with the strip clubs and beatings.

nicole kidman has some advice for you gals with a wedding trigger finger. don't buy your dress before you meet your man. she thinks having found her wedding dress prior to meeting tom cruise cursed her marriage. couldn't be that the groom was gay, could it?

r.i.p. johny c.

maggie gyllenhaal singlehandedly attempts to bring back the jumpsuit. hey, if j. lo couldn't do it three years ago, you have no chance. naomi watts tries to do the same for wraparound shades.

chloe bag: $2,400. chloe silverado bag: $2,400. personal assistant: $75,000. old navy flip flops: $4.50. knowing you're famous enough to have your every move analyzed: priceless.

the news you've been waiting nearly 8 years for: portishead is recording a new album. britpoppa's still bitter about the fact that the portishead show review she wrote for her high school newspaper in 1997 was hacked to shreds.

more music news: beck's new record, guero drops march 29. the idiosyncratic scientologist will be on the cover of the next issue of the boy's magazine, harp.

more proof that jessica simpson is retarded: she's afraid of dolphins.

you haven't seen the last of "survivor's" boston rob and amber. the couple will compete in the 7th season of "the amazing race" and their wedding may air on cbs in the spring or summer.

dennis quaid and his wife just can't seem to get enough of the titty bars. just after losing his id at scores last week, they were spotted at the hustler club.

britpoppa still can't figure out how she kept from molesting mos def that time she saw him in soho. that is one fine brother.

sarah ferguson, ie, fergie, the erstwhile dutchess and weight watchers spokesperson, has received close to $2 million for the movie rights to a romance novel she's penned. maybe fabio will star.

jenna bush has caused another silly controversy. this time, her ut "hook 'em horns" hand sign has been misinterpreted by sign language translators to mean "bullshit". while that may, indeed, be an accurate interpretation of her father's presidency, that was not the intention of the her signal.

who's stupid enough to try to check into an airport with a gun? michael moore's bodyguard, apparently. the man who claims to work for the filmmaker was arrested on wednesday at jfk airport.

the crew of vanity fair actually had a legitimate reason to stare at reese witherspoon's ample cleavage for the film. during the shooting of one scene, she got a frog stuck between her breasts. the little guy jumped onto the actress's chest after escaping from her co-star.

there may not be any room for jello where bill cosby is headed. he's been accused of sexual assault by a canadian woman who claims that the comedian drugged and molested her.

this is madonna's security guard, juan valdez. please, make yourselves acquainted, but stay at arm's length from the popstar.

beyonce has something to celebrate, but it's not her engagement to jay-z. her dog, munchie, has been declared america's most eligible pet. the editorial director of animal fair magazine, who made the declaration, said, "we've already been overloaded with calls from people trying to set their dogs up with munchie!" looks like munchie's going to get laid!

i have trouble buying the fact that charlize theron is a size 6-8. find out more celeb's sizes at the auction for clothes off our backs. the proceeds from golden globes gowns that many of the biggest stars wore last sunday will be donated to unicef for the tsunami victims.

"my nnn-name's bbb-bruce willis." the die hard hero struggled with a stuttering problem when he was young before going to a speech therapist.

how do you get the two former co-hosts of mtv's "singled out" together? ask them to bartend at sundance. jenny mccarthy and carmen electra will be doing just that at an entertainment weekly party at the utah film festival.

in an attempt to escape the constant scrutiny of the american press, scarlett johansson is currently house hunting in london. she finds the notting hill neighborhood to be the most fitting to her personality.

that irish brunette next shopping next to you just might be nicole kidman. she says she puts on wigs and affects an irish accent when she is trying to get a little privacy.

even j. lo is stoked for the revenge of the sith. she's hoping her princess leia hairdo for the new fat joe video will give her a chance at a last minute cameo.

to borrow some lingo from britpoppa's predecessor, uncle grambo, this is the best news evs! david fincher, director of fight club and se7en, may do a movie about the zodiac killer. did i mention that britpoppa hearts serial killers?

also in movie news, sundance starts tonight with happy endings from don roos, who helped make christina ricci a household name again with the opposite of sex and didn't help to make lauren graham a household name with his series based on the movie, "myob". happy endings stars maggie gyllenhaal and lisa kudrow. for more info on what's premiering at sundance, check out imdb's site.

even jimmy page and robert plant couldn't ease brad pitt's pain. estranged wife, jennifer aniston's also looking blue on the set of her new film.

kathy griffin got into a mess of trouble for one of the comments she made at last sunday's golden globes. she jokingly stated that dakota fanning had gone into rehab, prompting e to issue a public apology. fanning, of course, is doing just fine and is about to start a new movie version of charlotte's web. she will play charlotte's minder, fern, while julia roberts will do the voice of the titular spider. the all-star cast also includes steve buscemi, andre 3000, oprah and many others.

wilmer valderrama's career won't be ending even though it seems "that '70s show" will be. in addition to a possible spin-off for his fez character, he has a comic book film deal in which he will play "el muerto".

here's proof that british journalists have way too much time on their hands.

paris hilton may face legal repercussions for the fit she threw at an la bodega last month. she ripped down a poster advertising her sex tape and then stole a copy of the dvd. charges of petty-theft and vandalism have been made against by the store's owner.

vivienne westwood is cooking up a frightening new ad campaign. she's asked marilyn manson and his girlfriend dita von teese to be her models.

the picture no one wanted to see: jack osbourne bending over. i didn't know paper denim and cloth made jeans in husky.

popbitch bytes:

stella mccartney isn't acting the part of the pristine pregnant woman. she recently requested to be sat in the smoking section of a london restaurant.

madonna has found a new way to fight wrinkles: the faye. it's a bright light used in filming, named for faye dunaway.

prince harry is facing more bad press after the nazi incident. he may have gone to argentina last month in an attempt to escape the father of a girl he allegedly deflowered and knocked up (the baby in question was aborted). also, he may not technically be a royal, but, in fact, the result of his mother's affair with james hewitt.

samuel l. jackson and his (vassar alum!) daughter, zoe, caused a bit of a hullabaloo in milan recently. the two were there for the fashion shows, but ended up going clubbing, causing photographers to think she was his mistress. when his mother heard of the "affair", she called him up to scold him.

fugginitup's favorite fug, courtney peldon, was stabbed on the set of a movie yesterday. a co-star was accidentally given a real knife for a scene they were shooting instead of a prop knife.

peep the video for the postal service's "we will become silhouettes" via stereogum here.

oj simpson's daughter, sydney, may be taking after her father. she slapped a cop at a high school basketball game last saturday when he tried to break up her fight with another girl.

jennifer lopez and her frog prince, marc anthony, roam the streets of new york in between takes of her next video.

it's been way too long since we've had some tara reid news. so here's two very unnewsworthy items about everyone's favorite drunk. she hates feet because her father used to make her take off his shoes. "it was awful," she says, "because they would smell so bad. we would, like, cry." and if you're planning on breaking into her home, don't expect to find her inside. tara says, "i have a (plan) . . . on where i'd hide. i have the whole pattern in my head like i'm crazy!" you're certainly crazy, tara.

bono's wife, ali hewson, has taken on one of his many causes herself. she plans to launch a line of clothing made entirely from fabrics produced by fair trade workers.

speaking of clothing lines, jennifer lopez filmed the process of preparing her new high end line to debut at spring fashion week next month. the show, "jennifer lopez: beyond the runway", will air february 24 on mtv.

if you've got a thing for gandhi, you'll be happy to hear that ben kingsley is splitting up with his wife of 15 months. according to his publicist, "for some time now, [they] have been leading separate lives." considering they've only been together for 15 months, "some time now" probably means the whole marriage. the split may actually have to do with some recently published pictures of her kissing another man.

nicole richie needs some jolt cola. she recently fell asleep in a club bathroom, much to the dismay of the many ladies waiting for their turn outside.

heidi klum gets a little hide-y with leni at jfk airport. hopefully she'll let the trumps see her daughter's little face when she attends their wedding this weekend.

britpoppa is an asshole. i forgot to post the answers to the semi-weekly celebrity guessing game last night. sue me.

1 - katie holmes (the one wrong guess was alyssa milano)
2 - eliza dushku (guesses included: miramax lackey, someone from the cast of "charmed", ashlee simpson, jamie lynn discala, amber tamblyn and nicky hilton)
3 - thora birch (guesses included: mary louise parker and erika christensen)

scarlett johansson is too famous to let her feet touch the ground just anywhere. it seems she's hired someone to carry her from place to place. the perfect picture for this website.

awesome news for fashionistas on a budget. zac posen plans to do a lower-priced sportswear line in the future. expect claire danes to be a big fan.

if lindsay lohan hopes to see her folks back together, she may have to perform a real life parent trap. her mother, dina, has finally filed for divorce from her crazy father.

too much information item of the day: eva longoria and teri hatcher LOVE vibrators!!!

imdb news:

in the first sensible move they've ever made, the osbournes will sell their beverly hills mansion; it's too big now that jack and kelly have moved out.

peter jackson and his wife are set to adapt a screenplay of the bestselling book, the lovely bones.

if you've still got a thing for gillian anderson from "the x-files", it's time to get over it (and get a life). she married her boyfriend last month on a tropical island.

the movie may be 5 months away, but the star wars marketing has begun. the latest toy for the franchise? a special mr. potato head called darth tater. more sw news: samuel l. jackson's character, mace windu, will die in an elaborate light saber battle.

paris hilton just can't get any privacy. first, her boyfriend sells their sex tape and now, a hacker has managed to read her sidekick emails. what next? cameras following her around as she and nicole richie encounter numerous humorous situations?

kate hudson took baby ryder out for a day of shopping for his birthday. one-year-olds love to shop. later that evening she dazzled the crowds at the globes.

tv guide news:

a "family guy" straight to dvd movie is being made to tell the story of stewie's search for his real father.

ty pennington is safe and sound after undergoing an appendectomy. i bet the "extreme makeover: home edition" team bawled over that one.

billy campbell, also known as the rocketeer and the ex-fiance of virginia madsen and jennifer connelly, will star in several episodes of "the oc" as a possible homewrecker.

it's time to shelf your love for raymond. the series finale of ray romano's sitcom will be a standard half-hour episode.

gwen stefani's days of imitating alice in wonderland won't end with the start of her next project. she plans on dressing up as storybook characters for her future children to keep them entertained.

britney spears's dog bitbit has been leaving her bitbits all over the house. along with "sister" pups, lacy and lucky, the chihuahua has been doing her business on the carpet and giving kevin poopy presents in his closet. could be that mom is too busy buying baby clothes to train them properly?

and you thought "apprentice" overload had reached its peak with the cruise. clearly, you don't know trump. he and mark burnett are now thinking about turning the show into a broadway musical.

giselle bundchen may be getting back at her beau, leonardo dicaprio, for keeping her waiting. the supermodel, who has publicly stated she would like to settle down and have kids, was spotted flirting and "canoodling" with a male model in rio. it wouldn't be leo's first rejection. he was denied a part on "baywatch" because david hasselhoff didn't think he was right for the show.

more news from the set of the borat movie: director todd phillips actually left the film because angry audience members from the rodeo incident have been sending the filmmakers death threats.

mary-kate and ashley olsen carry matching bags and coffee cups. they're only doing it to please us; everyone loves it when twins look alike.

don't count on seeing natalie portman at the oscars. even if she's nominated, she may snub the event since choosing what to wear makes her nervous. apparently with good reason. that chloe dress she wore to the golden globes didn't do much for her.

"are you talking to me?" robert deniro may soon be repeating those infamous words in a sequel to taxi driver. he and martin scorsese are in talks to revisit travis bickle.

anna wintour's "one love" may have been for bob marley. according to a new book about the icy vogue editor, she enjoyed a very lusty week with the reggae god, barely leaving the bed they shared.

"survivor's" richard hatch may be a sneaky as a snake, but he couldn't put one over on the irs. the show's first winner pleaded guilty of tax evasion surrounding his winnings.

ellen degeneres can't get enough her her new girlfriend, portia derossi. since her talk show resumed filming on jan.5, portia has been in the audience every time. they even silently communicate to each other throughout the shoot.

lucy liu takes her dog for a walk in runyon canyon. she's such an angel to deal with the construction.

did you know that it is 24 degrees today in dc? fahrenheit. with the wind chill, it feels like 12 degrees. and that's a fact (i read it on the weather channel website). you're lucky britpoppa even bothered to get out of bed today, much less report gossip. frankly, i should be given a medal because i volunteered to supervise recess for kindergarteners at a local elementary school today. with all this action, half-assed review tuesday will have to return in the future. in the meantime, buy some of those pseudo-vintage t-shirts that all the kids have been wearing lately. you don't even have to leave the house!

cameron diaz looked radiant as ever as she worked on her upcoming mtv show. unfortunately, she'll be giving up her travel tips, not her beauty secrets.

it's a wedding that only donald trump could plan, as the bride will wear a $100k dior gown picked by vogue editors. but melania knauss won't be on the typical bride diet; she needs to eat in order to carry herself in the heavy thing.

christina ricci's grandparents hate it when the actress neglects to wear lipstick in their presence. but they love her anorexia. if you want to imitate her look, keep hemorrhoid cream in the fridge, not food.

"the bachelorette's" jerry may be going for a hat trick. if he wins the heart of jen schefft, it will be his third reality tv honey, having dated lori trespicio from "the real world" (back to new york) and lisa donahue, "big brother 3's" winner.

kid rock was nearly stranded in moscow when he lost his passport after a night of hard partying with the native gals. he was there to watch buddy darren mccarty play in igor larionov's farewell game.

adrianne curry isn't the only one who got some action in the "surreal life" house. possibly inter-sex chyna seems to have found her match in male model, marcus schenkenberg. schenkenberg clearly has poor taste as he previously dated another sex tape star, pamela anderson.

oh my god, britney's stomach isn't completely flat. she must be pregnant! someone, call us weekly! and while you're at it, let them know she's been visiting maternity stores. she's also recording a kylie song, doing a voice for madonna's english roses movie and thinking about hosting a talk show.

bad news for "life as we know it" and life as we know it: kelly osbourne will be playing the lead part in hairspray on broadway. it makes sense, though. that show's supposed to be tacky. meanwhile mummy osbourne has donated $190k worth of jewelry to the tsunami victims. just what starving children need, diamond earrings.

sarah jessica parker may soon be eating for two. she's been spotted buying a pregnancy test by intouch magazine. doesn't she have an assistant to do that for her?

let's hope they emptied the spit valve. katie couric was showing her sexy side during a wild make-out session with her trumpet player boyfriend, chris botti, in an nyc restaurant on staurday night. what will matt lauer think?

apparently jennifer aniston was ready to have brad's baby. she had prepared a birthday gift of a pregnancy test and a "poignant" note for him, but he rejected her with the line that he "no longer recognized her". the final blow came with his departure from their caribbean holiday in order to go to a football game.

samuel l. jackson proved again that he is one smooth motha. the crazy youngsters on the set of his latest film, coach carter (which was number one at the box office last weekend) tried to prank him by replacing one of his props with a blow-up doll. the badass actor simply played along as if nothing was wrong.

charlize theron tries to have a low profile as she leaves a los angeles restaurant. lucky for us, it didn't fool the paparazzi.

late-breaking golden globes news:

mischa barton and brandon davis got into one of their infamous public arguments. in true "oc" fashion, she slapped him.

toby maguire missed the event because he has put on too much weight. so much for those modeling plans.

jamie (ie, james) king was the latest blonde to go after zach braff.

quentin tarantino found a blonde of his own, too, possibly cheating on girlfriend, sofia coppola.

nicky hilton lost the battle of the bitch to all-time champion, shannen doherty.

a new couple has emerged as "lost" co-stars dominic monaghan and evageline lilly were spotted giving each other more than just friendly kisses at the nbc party. hey, isn't "lost" on abc?

sasha baron cohen's borat has reached another bump in the road. after nearly inciting a riot for his tv show earlier this month, he has now caused a frenzy on the set of the character's movie, having offended director, todd phillips so much that he flew the coup.

i never thought of julianne moore as being trashy, but apparently she is. she earned herself a summons because the garbage outside her west village townhouse has piled up to outrageous levels during the home's renovation.

kate moss is having another roll in the hay. her latest conquest is ex-libertines frontman pete doherty. what is is about the bad boys, kate?

it may be a south pacific wedding for jude law and sienna miller. the future groom has been having discussions with a property owner on the island about a possible venue for the event.

jay-z and beyonce smile at the photographer who invaded their limo instead of attacking him. see mom, all rapper aren't thugs.

hmmm.... i wonder what rumors were working their way round the hills of hollywood four years ago. this calls for 2001: a gossip odyssey!

this is the gossip of january 17, 2001:

if you didn't get your invitation to madonna and guy ritchie's scotland wedding, you may still have gotten a chance to go their london party. nope, that didn't happen either.

toshiba was nervous because of donal logue's rant about their poor customer service on "the tonight show." couldn't have hurt them much; britpoppa bought a toshiba laptop in 2002.

michael clarke duncan took a fall on the set of the planet of the apes remake and sprained his ankle. too bad the injury didn't keep that gem of a movie from being released.

also injured while filming, brad pitt broke a few fingers in the making of snatch. he kept a brave face and didn't tell anyone about his pain (much like he seems to be doing as he nurses his emotional wounds now).

four years ago today:

nikki reed turned thirteen.

jaime gleicher celebrated her sweet 16.

zooey deschanel drank legally for the first time.

kid rock blew out 30 candles on his birthday cake.

jim carrey turned 39.

robert kennedy jr. turned 47.

andy kaufman would have been 52.

muhammad ali turned 59.

maury povich turned 62.

james earl jones turned the big 7-0.

time for a golden globes after party-themed semi-weekly celebrity guessing game. i am beefing the exercise up to three celebs this time because last week was so easy. all the ladies here seem to be currently on the downfall in hollywood. they used to be "it girls" and now they're becoming the kind of "it" you wouldn't want to touch with a ten foot pole. i mean, they were only invited to after parties and not the event itself. even britpoppa got invited to the in style party (the invitation just got lost in the mail, i'm sure).

first up (we're going clockwise here) is the girl next door. she seemed destined for movie stardom until she released a barely noticed stinker earlier this year. and how dare she wear the same dress that j. lo donned on the cover of vogue?

the next gal's gown is truly regrettable. the pucci look is in, not the pukey look, ma'am. maybe she could have scored an invite to the awards itself if her show wasn't likely to be cancelled any minute now.

and last (and certainly least), this poor thing only seems to have one admirer left. and unfortunately for her, it's fred durst. could be because of those terrible makeup jobs she's always going out with.

as always, leave your guesses in the comments section and come back wednesday for the reveal.

golden globe winner, leonardo dicaprio gives the paparazzi the pleasure of actually photographing his face. trust us, this, like, never happens.

speaking of the golden globes, here is a list of the evening's other winners.

uma thurman may be able to kick ass and look fine doing it, but she sure can't sing. an eavesdropper to her rehearsals for the producers said she "sounded awful! i mean, really bad." of course, for a face like hers, britpoppa can just hit the mute button (via page sixsixsix).

another week, another boyfriend for paris hilton. this time, she's denying any involvement with sting's 18-year-old son, jake sumner. this means they're definitely doing it.

kirsten dunst was supposed to be in vincent gallo's notorious film, the brown bunny. unfortunately for us pervs out there, she never had any intention of doing the chloe sevigny part. she was scheduled to appear in a small role in the movie, but pulled out because it was not filmed according to sag standards. of course, this totally pissed off gallo.

angelina jolie has opened her big lips (and mouth) about the brad pitt/jennifer aniston split. she confirms the rumors that the separation was due to their differing opinions on the baby issue and denies that she was involved. george clooney took a different approach at a tokyo press conference for ocean's 12, insisting that no one question his buddy, brad. up next for the male half of the hollywood golden couple? a heineken ad during the super bowl.

jennifer garner shields herself from the harsh los angeles sun. or is she trying to hide from the harsh elektra reviews?

"hey, lizzie, your body is a wonderland." john mayer was spotted making out with pr rep to the stars, lizzie grubman. no word on whether it was a kiss and run.

britney spears isn't the only one trying to get her man into the business. keira knightley has just gotten her irish model boyfriend, jamie dornan signed to her agent in order to get him a role in an upcoming romantic comedy.

jude law's ex-wife sadie is doing everything that she can to deny that the news he is engaged to sienna miller prompted a "frost"-y reception. she's even offered to design bridesmaid dresses for the ceremony.

cameron diaz will look more like pocahontas than princess di when she marries justin timberlake (if this whole engagement thing is true). she wants to be wed in a native american style dress.

want to laugh your ass off? check out britney spears's new rocker chick (or chic?) video for "do something". also hilarious, her new dog has it's own room.

kirsten dunst looks into a little self healing at whole foods after her embarrassing swimsuit debacle.

dennis quaid and his new wife kimberly let a few lap dances go to their heads last wednesday. he left his license and credit card behind at nyc club, scores, while the lady nearly lost her purse.

you'd think a girl would consider suicide to get out of a relationship with simon cowell, not the other way around. the bastard judge of "american idol" may have a tough time breaking up with his model girlfriend, terri seymour. she has threatened to kill herself if he ever leaves her.

bizarre nicole kidman tidbits: she's afraid of butterflies, is taking minimum wage for her next film and once used a five-finger discount to get herself a barbie doll.

maria menounos fans may have noticed her recent absence from "et on mtv". the word is that she may be leaving the cbs staple, "entertainment tonight" for "access hollywood" due to a distaste for mary hart. the other network has offered her a six-figure deal.

imdb news:

brad pitt and jennifer aniston must have really been in love. they never signed a pre-nup.

colin farrell is being sued by a phone sex operator for mental anguish. this guy must like talking REALLY dirty.

mary-kate olsen is moving out of the spacious manhattan apartment she shares with her twin, ashley. hollywood hacks suspect she'll be moving back in a new york minute.

finally. a celebrity with a physique britpoppa can realistically aspire to. thank you, alicia keys. thank you.

britpoppa's golden globes arrivals review (featuring the evening's worst dressed woman, diane kruger):

proving that counting crows's adam duritz has no shame, his date was the very unlucky in love, mary louise parker.

halle berry looked very likely to be the next victim of a wardrobe malfunction.

kate hudson looked a lot like britney spears circa 2001.

scarlett johansson looked eerily film noir.

and debra messing looked like a reject from heart's 1984 tour.

could kristin davis be cynthia nixon's latest sapphic conquest? i mean, holding hands is almost the same as swapping spit, right?

charlize theron was the evening's best-dressed. or was that nicole kidman?

here come the brides.

looks like all the partying at cbgb has gone straight to colin farrell's gut. when in rome, alexander, don't eat all the pasta. oh, and you look like a douche with that ponytail.

the recording academy must not have seen the disaster that was taxi. they've hired queen latifah as the host of the grammy awards.

hilary swank risked death to work with director clint eastwood. while training for her role in million dollar baby she suffered from potentially fatal blood poisoning from blood blisters on the bottom of her feet.

plum sykes is off the market (but unfortunately her horrible book, bergdorf blondes is not). anna wintour's sycophant is engaged to her boyfriend of one year, toby roland. good luck, toby. you'll need it to survive marriage with this nitwit.

brad pitt will generously ignore his own pain and focus on the suffering of others this weekend as he joins his pal, george clooney in nbc's tsunami telethon. robert deniro, andy garcia and hugh grant have also recently signed on.

new york's daily news:

britpoppa is lighting a proverbial candle for matt leblanc. his daughter is suffering from a rare brain disorder.

liam neeson is in talks to play honest abe lincoln in an upcoming spielberg film.

mel gibson was denied his right to tax a portion of his connecticut home as farmland.

jamie foxx likes big butts and he cannot lie.

britney goes all cowgirl at the airport with her "fine hubby". and what's a cowgirl without a goofy grin?

don't say there's no crime in the oc. the whitest county in the country suffered from a terrible loss on tuesday when the red vinyl dress that gwen stefani wore on the cover of no doubt's "tragic kingdom" was stolen from a rock museum. when asked to comment on the theft, stefani said, "i don't know what to say. i'm just a girl."

ben affleck didn't have to spend a dime of his paycheck when he parked his mercedes illegally on a busy la street for an hour. how did he get out of his ticket? he gave the parking attendant a bear hug.

hooray! we can now dress exactly like the number 7 tennis player in the world (and number 6 worst dressed) serena williams. just what we've always wanted. the athlete released her nike dress and boots in melbourne, australia.

the learning annex is paying donald trump a staggering $1 million an hour for appearances he will do in three cities this year. where the fuck did the learning annex get that kind of money? paris hilton is requiring quite a large fee for her own appearances now, too. she's asking $300k for her attendance at an event.

imdb news:

miranda otto, best known as eowyn in the lord of the rings trilogy, is pregnant with her first hobbit.

julia roberts proved that she does, in fact, love trouble as she caused a bunch of it for another woman who gave birth at cedars-sinai hospital at the same time as she did. the pretty woman stole her exclusive recovery suite. for shame.

courtney love has turned into a combination of jocelyn wildenstein and a blonde cher. just what every little girl dreams of.

sienna miller ruminates over whether marriage will make her less of a prat. silly girl, nothing could make you any less of a prat. sienna's husband-to-be, jude law, may be catching up with her in pratitude. he's been taking pole dancing lessons.

england's defamer, popbitch, reports that jennifer garner has not been the calming influence on ben affleck that people predicted. while filming his new movie in vancouver, he "is back to his hard-partying ways, keeps falling asleep between takes and has to be fed his lines one sentence at a time to aid his memory."

paul mccartney has upped the ante on tsunami donations. he has given $1.8 million in aid to international rescue committee uk.

when her husband's a dud, a girl can always count on her hairdresser - at least jennifer aniston can. she's been staying at the home of chris mcmillan, the man who brought us the rachel haircut. yeah, thanks chris. thanks for making everyone look like "caroline in the city" for three years.

bad news for young republicans: kid rock will not play the inauguration. more bad news for young republicans: hilary duff and jojo will.

before "desperate housewives" was a hit, abc execs were constantly on teri hatcher's case about her bra, through which her nipples showed. now that the show's taken off, they've left her alone. the moral: america loves nipples.

the "exodus" of bob marley's remains will begin shortly. his wife is having his body dug up and sent to ethiopia to be reburied.

kate winslet wears the prerequisite hollywood mom outfit - designer jeans and uggs - but forgets to oufit her daughter in a miniature pair.

more news on the "bachelorette" fabrice scandal: shirtless pics of the hunk were found on a gay-friendly chicago website.

borat, aka sasha baron cohen, needs to know the time and place for his garbled english. he attempted to sing a very crude version of the star spangled banner at a virginia rodeo and nearly started a riot.

sarah jessica parker has landed a coveted slot as a voice in shrek 3. with this and kristin davis's part in the shaggy dog remake, one can only wonder as to when kim cattrall will announce her starring role in the musical version of the apple dumpling gang.

russell simmons has assembled an all-star cast, and not for a hip-hop show. he is doing a yoga infomercial and has brought on friends like donald trump, serena williams, p. diddy and christy turlington, among others, to plug the spiritual exercise.

you flash a swastika one time... england's prince harry has gotten in a fuckload of trouble after dressing up as a nazi for a costume party. apparently people find this offensive.

nicole kidman is suffering from a terrible addiction. she would like to be a lesbian, but she's "hooked on the male physique". at least it's not heroin.

renee zellweger does her best bettie page impression in the february issue of w. see more pics here. the stick-thin actress has been crying, "down with love" after her break up with jack white of the white stripes. she's so devastated by the romance's termination that she wants to sell her la home and move to new england. her old place holds too many memories of her old love.

geri halliwell has made the slight transition from popstar to call girl. she has accepted a playboy's offer of $750k to be his escort to the opera ball in vienna.

snaps to oprah: the media mogul was peeved when she could not return a $400 cashmere scarf without a receipt in her hometown of chicago. always the good samaritan though, she gave the scarf to a homeless lady on her way to work.

imdb news:

nicolette sheridan is suffering from the flu after jumping into her pool naked to save her golden retriever. she was naked because that's how she does her housework.

farrah fawcett may wed ryan o'neal in a televised ceremony. i bet tatum is over the paper moon about this.

john goodman's doctor has warned him that he must lose 100 pounds or face serious health problems. get this guy on "the biggest loser", stat!

scarlett johansson's vacation plans were ruined when she got into a car accident with her sister. she ended up having to spend her own relaxation time sponge bathing her sibling. let's hope they videotaped it.

could eva longoria be saying "bye bye bye" to her nsync boyfriend, jc chasez? she's been spotted hanging around san antonio spurs guard, tony parker.

janet jackson's favorite jewels are of the family variety. she wears an $18k penis charm necklace that "gets excited" when you touch it.

mark whalberg's been feeling a different sort of vibrations lately, spiritual vibrations. the former "rapper" has gotten religious, carrying rosaries and attending sunday mass.

lindsay lohan goes super britney trailer park, complete with frapuccino and red nail polish. seriously, does anyone wear nail polish anymore?

ya'll are getting too good. not a single person gave me a wrong answer in monday's semi-weekly celebrity guessing game. of course, if you see one person named over and over again, you're probably not going to go against the crowd. still, next week, i will have to go a little harder. of course, this lady is little claudia from "party of five", lacey chabert. as i said earlier, she appears to have taken some of her mean girls co-star, lindsay lohan's bust advice. lacey, never base your boobs on a girl from long island's.

how could i? britpoppa forgot to consult the new york gossip gods before posting today. please forgive me.

ashley olsen's friends like to play rough. they completely trashed a beverly hills hotel room that they were partying in over the holiday. predictably, ashley's rep says she "knows nothing about it."

madonna and guy ritchie have been using the powers of kabbalah to try to heal chernobyl. a dinner guest of theirs, who secretly taped the event, spilled the beans on their bizarre chanting and overpriced water.

kabbalah convert, britney spears may not have been completely convinced of the religion's authority. she seems to be creating her own hodgepodge spirituality, buying buddha statues and star of david necklaces, reading about zen and sporting crosses. the vishnu t-shirts can't be far behind.

don't expect donald trump's ex-wives to show up at his lavish wedding to melania knauss in ten days, though he did invite them. the couple will exchange vows at trump's mar-a-lago estate in palm beach and feast on free food from chef jean-georges.

for your own taste of the trump lifestyle, book yourself a spot on "the apprentice legend cruise". you can rub elbows with former contestants while visiting the caribbean. let's hope for the sake of the cruisers that the cast members are more raj than omarosa. but hey, if you're enough of a boob to pay for this cruise, you probably deserve omarosa (via gawker).

thank goodness for 2001: a gossip odyssey. if it wasn't for britpoppa's latest feature, we'd all be wondering about...

what was keeping the rumor mill turning four years ago:

meg ryan unwittingly ended her fling with russell crowe when she told him she wanted to have his baby. through artificial insemination, i hope. that guy's gross.

jim carrey was leaving on a jet plane. he had recently purchased a gulfstream v for $41 million.

would catherine zeta-jones and michael douglas's marriage survive a two-month separation as she filmed america's sweethearts? unfortunately for america, it did.

kate beckinsale made a bad investment. she agreed to forego her wages in exchange for a share of the profits from stinker, pearl harbor.

jason priestly was sentenced to five days at los angeles' gateways communication correction center for dui. unfortunately, the stay didn't do much to correct his stuck-in-the-'90s hair.

david schwimmer's "friends" co-stars, matt leblanc and matthew perry, played a little trick on him. they made him think the car he was test-driving had amazing gas mileage by refilling the tank without his knowledge. later, they emptied it and stranded him. those crazy guys!

on january 12, 2001:

andrew lawrence turned 13.

zack de la rocha and raekwon turned 31.

heather mills turned 33.

rob zombie and olivier martinez turned 35.

oliver platt turned 41.

howard stern turned 47.

rush limbaugh and kirstie alley turned 50.

liv, royston and milo: because you can never get enough pictures of happy couples and babies (or at least britpoppa can't).

britney spears has astonishing mental powers. no, seriously. she impressed a street healer who specializes in phrenology by freezing his fingers for hours after their consultation. see pictures of the session here.

pamela anderson is kicking herself and not because of all her of fashion missteps. she was originally offered teri hatcher's part in "desperate housewives", but did not want to have to dye her hair brown for the part.

scarlett johansson doesn't mind gettin' nekkid. she hardly gets nervous when filming sex scenes and if a co-star or crew member sees her boobs, she lets them "enjoy it". if only she'd do the same for her audience.

wait, reality shows aren't real? the latest rumor to break the reality tv fantasy is that "the bachelorette's" fabulous frenchman fabrice is flaming. one of his former dates reveals that he probably isn't interested in jen's lady parts (via defamer).

paris hilton can add another notch to her bedpost. she's been seeing a greek playboy named, get this, paris.

avril: deryck, don't you like the pretty bow on my skirt? i got it at hot topic. deryck: yeah, babe. it goes nice with my creepers. now turn your head so i can pretend you're paris.

leonardo dicaprio had better buy a ring fast. his girlfriend, 24-year-old supermodel gisele bundchen, is eager to settle down and have kids. what's up with celebrities in their early 20s wanting to have babies? maybe all the camera flashes prematurely drain their egg supply.

sharon osbourne is working on casting a tv movie of her life, but has yet to find the perfect bat-eater to portray her hubby, ozzy. who's set to play sharon? why talentless daughter, kelly, of course.

brad pitt is feeling rubbish after his break up with jennifer aniston. he may have been trying to show the world he was the dumpee and not the dumper by going out in a t-shirt that read "trash".

imdb news:

lucy liu became an angel offscreen as well as on by donating $200k to aid tsunami victims.

"the simple life 3" was denied the right to film at a nj middle school because paris and nicole have dirty mouths. don't nj kids start cussing in the womb?

bill o'reilly has accepted george clooney's challenge to participate in nbc's tsunami telethon.

hugh jackman has just signed a deal with disney to make several musicals. because musicals are so successful nowadays.

courtney love has won back custody of her daughter, frances bean. is anyone else scared for that kid?

nicolette sheridan, lindsay lohan and the simpson sisters were on mr. blackwell's worst dressed list. it's like he's never seen kelly osbourne.

jennifer garner's alias co-star, will yun lee, is worried he's the one who caused her "injury". unless he accidentally ejaculated inside of her, i don't think he's to blame for this one.

chloe sevigny is ready for a day at the beach with her louis vuitton bag and play clothes. i love a nice, ruffled jumpsuit, don't you?

this week's hart consists of britpoppa's top ten movies and albums of 2004. it's half-assed because i haven't seen or heard a bunch of records and films that i think might have otherwise made the cut. feel free to ask me what they were and post your own lists in the comments section, if you want. disclaimer: these are in no order whatsoever.

movies:
the dreamers
the machinist
spiderman 2
the aviator
dogville
kill bill vol. 2
garden state
closer
a very long engagement
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

albums:
scissor sisters - self titled
snow patrol - final straw
keane - hopes and fears
magnetic fields - i
franz ferdinand - self titled
gwen stefani - love.angel.music.baby.
the veils - runaway found
brian wilson - smile
kings of convenience - riot on an empty street
electrelane - the power out

britney spears looked classy as ever at taverna tony's in malibu. don't let the paparazzi photograph you from that angle, babe. they can totally see up your shirt.

no fair. i want mc hammer to officiate my wedding. the former chart topper acted as pseudo minister for his "surreal life" co-star, vince neil's, nuptials on sunday. also married this weekend: nas and kelis.

madonna's hoping to send the tsunami victims a little "ray of light" by hosting the us telethon in which george clooney and christina aguilera are also participating.

clooney's telethon participation has caused a little controversy with outspoken bill o'reilly. when o'reilly challenged the event's intentions, clooney challenged him to participate as well. ricky martin is doing his part by visiting orphans in thailand. wait, ricky martin is still alive?

kristin davis is attempting to add to her tv resume, which includes "friends" and "melrose place" as well as "sex and the city", by begging for a part on tv's latest sensation. she's desperate to become a desperate housewife.

her love might not cost a thing but her shelter sure costs a buttload. jennifer lopez and marc anthony have bought their first home together, a $9.9 million south beach apartment with its own pool.

i guess orlando's not a breast man or an ass man as his girlfriend, kate bosworth, appears to have neither of these.

matthew mcconaughey wants penelope cruz to play his bongos. he's teaching her to bang the drums as a form of stress release. the texan is famous for being arrested while releasing his own stress in the nude a few years back.

wesley snipes may have taken his vampire slayer character in the newest blade film a little too seriously. he allegedly threatened to stab his director, david goyer. no word on whether he planned to use a wooden stake.

julia roberts was so fond of her pregnant days that she wants to make a film about the experience. not hers personally, though. she's seeking the rights to a book called the family way.

last month, "arrested development's" jeffrey tambor welcomed a couple of bundles of joy of his own. his daughter gave birth to a son just four days after his wife did.

don't expect jude law and sienna miller's wedding to be as media-friendly as britney spears's was. the couple may remain engaged for years, just to allude the press.

macaulay culkin may testify that he was never molested when he was home alone with michael jackson. the man who reportedly broke up britney and justin, wade robson, is likely to do the same.

mischa, stop feeding your man. unless that ice cream is laced with trim spa, he does not need any more to eat.

maybe britney should get pregnant before she starts seeking out godparents. when her mentor madonna agreed to be her future child's godmother, the material girl received a cartier watch as a "thank you".

looking for something new to read? you may soon be able to buy a renee zellweger novel. the actress is planning to write both fiction and non-fiction while on her self-determined retirement.

looking for something to listen to? garbage will release their fourth album on april 11, entitled bleed like me.

morton's back on the market. oscar nominee, samantha morton, has left her boyfriend, the drummer of south, for unknown reasons.

sting has been stung by the pain of celebrity. he had to cut short his italian skiing vacation after only two days because fans were pestering him for mobile phone pics.

gwen stefani's not looking like her typically gorgeous self. are those some blemishes she's hiding under that horrendous pancake makeup? click the pic for a closer look.

looks like someone is suffering from lindsay lohan syndrome. can you name the barely legal busty brunette in britpoppa's semi-weekly celebrity guessing game? she's starting to come back into the spotlight after spending a few of her tender years away from it. this year alone, she will star in four movies, one of which merely as a voice. this is not a novelty for the actress, though, as she has been voicing various animated productions for a long time now. leave your guesses in the comments section and come back wednesday night for the reveal.

2001: a gossip odyssey travels back in time to the dawn of the new millennium to bring you the rumors of four years ago.

the gossip hounds were all over these stories in 2001:

matt leblanc was ready to settle down. though, back then, the "friends" star claimed he was ready to be a husband, it took him 2 1/2 years to actually marry his girlfriend, melissa mcknight.

sarah jessica parker broke her new year's resolution only 10 days into the year. she had pledged to stop chewing on the inside of her mouth.

jennifer aniston was banned from husband, brad pitt's spy game set. her presence was causing too many delays during filming. if she still had that effect on the matinee idol, perhaps they would not have separated.

julianne moore was cracking up the crew of hannibal with her fear of cows. too bad she wasn't scared away from the stinker of a movie.

on january 10, 2001:

rod stewart turned 56.

lyle menendez turned 33.

trini alvarado turned 34.

evan handler turned 40.

pat benatar turned 48.

linda lovelace and george foreman turned 52.

gwyneth paltrow takes a cue from bono by wearing huge bug-eyed sunglasses. unfortunately, these photographs prove that her attempt to trick the paparazzi was unsuccessful.

jerry o'connell isn't treating his lady right. he swept in after rebecca romijn split from john stamos, but has recently been calling his ex-fiance, former e-news correspondent, giuliana depandi, in an attempt to win her back.

bloom, orlando bloom. everyone's favorite elf and gap model has been tapped to become the next james bond in a "novel" bond film by ailing miramax.

celebrity do-gooder updates: britney spears to give $400,000 in tsunami aid. nicole kidman will travel to indonesia as a unicef goodwill ambassador. lindsay lohan is also eager to travel east and volunteer. her rival, hilary duff, will donate a portion of the proceeds from her tour.

natalie portman may be doing the switch to tv. she's exploring the possibility of starring in a new show about the endless debauchery of private boarding schools.

renee zellweger looked amazing last night at the people's choice awards, where she won "favorite leading lady". (my guess is that this is the only reason she chose to attend the b-list awards show.)

ben widdicombe breaks the news to naomi campbell that not only will she not be on the cover of l'uomo vogue with her beau, usher, he's no longer her beau. his camp denies the rampant karrine steffans rumors as well.

imdb news:

paul newman barely escaped his own aaron carter experience as a car he was testing at daytona beach caught fire.

sadie frost's public endorsement of her ex, jude law's engagement to sienna miller was likely a lie. she was furious when she heard about the upcoming nuptials from her son.

ellen degeneres's ex is on a rampage and is trying to do legal battle with the comedienne and her new lover, portia derossi.

ben affleck has bought a large brentwood home, adding more fuel to the flaming rumor that he and jennifer garner may soon hear the pitter patter of little feet.

taye diggs's wife, idina menzel, is recovering from falling through a trap door before the saturday performance of her musical, wicked.

petra nemcova has returned home to prague after her tsunami ordeal.

paris and nicky hilton are approached by a crotch-grabbing donkey while laying on the beach in hawaii.

a moment of silence is in order. one of hollywood's most beloved couples has begun the long road to divorce. despite their recent public cuddling in the caribbean, and after months of rumors, brad pitt and jennifer aniston have announced their formal separation. the split is likely due to jennifer's hesitance to have children rather than brad's steamy phone sex with angelina jolie.

in other major world tragedies, here are the special fundraising pics of petra nemcova after being injured in the tsunami.

for various reasons, including limited access, what i learned in the express today has been on hiatus. today marks its return, so relish in this unimportant news.

how is this dude going to pick up the new vanity fair if he's in line? a seattle star wars fan has already started waiting for tickets to the upcoming final film, despite the fact that it does not come out until may. he plans to count the minutes until the release of the revenge of the sith in a sleeping bag outside a local theater (even though that theater may not even play the movie). somebody sick triumph on this dude.

just because i don't like the man's politics doesn't mean i can't love the man's dog. the bushes welcomed a new member into the family yesterday, miss beazley. the ten week old scottish terrier pup joins her semi-uncle, barney, as an official white house dog. check out barney's unofficial blog here, his official webpage (featuring miss beazley footage) here and a fansite here.

how can this be? i like christina aguilera's outfit? buy her anthropologie top here. and don't bother with the shoes - they're louis vuitton. you can't afford them anyway.

don't go spreading this rumor; i'm betting it's crap. justin timberlake and cameron diaz are supposedly engaged. as are liz hurley and arun nayar.

liv tyler's son milo isn't the only one she's been pampering lately. everyone who assisted in his delivery has received "thank yous" in the form of day-spa certificates.

why can't we be friends? britney spears has been singing this song to fellow "mickey mouse club" alum christina aguilera. she wrote her childhood friend a letter asking for reconciliation.

good news for monique, bad news for us: aaron carter survived the explosion of his suv. the accident occurred when a mattress from the delivery truck in front of him came loose and was wedged under his car.

elvis to be, jonathan rhys-meyers, is really trying to prove that he can pull of the rock star lifestyle. he was arrested for assaulting his teenage girlfriend and suspected of possession of marijuana.

jennifer lopez looks kind of cute as a nerdy blonde librarian. check out the video for "get right" for more of her over-the-top looks.

a bird in the hand ain't worth two of this bush. anna kournikova shows more than she planned while adjusting her bikini bottoms.

denise richards is planning on one-upping her playboy pictorial by recreating pregnant demi moore's famous vanity fair cover shoot. what's the point of a naked picture of denise richards if you can't see her Ts?

"surreal life" spoilers: "antm" adrianne curry gets drunk and beds "the brady bunch's" peter. mini-me takes a leak in the house.

imdb news:

jennifer garner's not sick (or pregnant), she's injured.

tom cruise and naomi watts dislike nicole kidman's bf, steve bing.

jane kaczmarek is going to auction celebrity clothes for tsunami relief.

james brown has been sued for a rape that allegedly took place in 1988.

jessica simpson is suing a jewelry company that used her image without permission.

melanie griffith and antonio banderas were rejected from the dakota building.

in lindsay lohan's new video for the track "over" she displays l7 and dead kennedys posters on her bedroom wall. she's really trying to win over the punk rock crowd.

brad pitt does his best impression of dick van dyke in mary poppins. come on, you remember that whole penguin dance sequence thing.

oh rufus, i first met you while watching tommy tricker and the stamp traveller as a kid. sure, i didn't know who you were at the time and was more enthralled by the idea of flying around on a stamp than your song, "i'm running", but we met then nonetheless. we didn't get acquainted, though, until my freshman year of college, 1998, when i played your debut album nonstop. these two tracks are "rarities" from about that time period. i hope you don't mind my sharing them.

rufus wainwright - instant pleasure
rufus wainwright - the money song

in an all-happy couples pictures edition of britpoppa, chelsea clinton and her beau, ian klaus, enjoy a leisurely stroll in nyc.

will smith is a huge ben stiller fan. at least it seems that way. when he wanted to go to a sold-out showing of meet the fockers in aspen, he offered $200 to anyone who would give up their ticket.

ponder how puny sienna miller can hold up a rock so big.

pharrell williams of n.e.r.d. and the neptunes is suing reebok for breach of contract involving his clothing line bbc ice cream. it just goes to show you, if you want something done right, get nike to do it.

pamela anderson has gone to the dogs. she's done a line of dog collars and leashes that are available on her website. coming soon: a new fragrance for bitches (of the human variety).

it's like making a britney spears movie without red bull. andre 3000's jimi hendrix film has hit a major bump in the road. it doesn't have the rights to any of the rock legend's music. let's hope andre doesn't go into a state of "manic depression" over the complication.

madonna and guy ritchie want you to know that they DID NOT renew their vows. in fact, they might be breaking them as we speak.

i bet you wouldn't catch naomi watts hitting the bottle in public. maybe that's why shortly after splitting ways with the actress, heath ledger picked up his brokeback mountain co-star, michelle williams.

courtney love is hoping the proceeds from the sale of her downtown nyc loft, valued at $6 million, will help her to get her life back on track and regain custody of her daughter. yeah, that's just what a drug addict needs, lots of expendable income.

scary spice is really frightening her fellow spice girls. she has plans to write a tell-all book about the group. posh and ginger are expected to be on the receiving end of some harsh criticism from the act's token bp.

does anyone care about liam gallagher anymore? if you're one of the few, check out this adorable picture of his son.

thora birch missed her chance to meet her pen pal last month. she had been emailing back and calling her internet crush for the last two years before, at last, she was supposed to meet up with him at a party. unfortunately, their schedules conflicted. who's the mystery man? joaquin phoenix.

what's next for scarlett johansson? she'd like to direct "as soon as possible" and maybe star in a really scary horror movie. wes craven, hop to it.

matthew mcconaughey still can't believe he scored tom cruise's sloppy seconds. before bedding penelope cruz, he was stuck with tate donovan's left overs.

many of you guessed, and most of you guessed wrong, so the ugg-enthusiast in britpoppa's semi-weekly celebrity guessing game was kate hudson. true, in this picture she does not wear uggs, but instead sports the same l.l. bean-type snow/rain boots that her husband, chris robinson, dons. don't they look like the perfect neo-boho couple? still, i stand by my ugg-enthusiast characterization, as here she is wearing the ugly boots. and again here. but on to the guesses. i got a couple of pam anderson/stephen dorffs, and an uma thurman, a heather graham and a britney. the real couple in question were photographed in aspen, where they have been vacationing.

ryan cabrera seems to be the only one who loves ashlee simpson anymore. first, the donnas totally dis her and then yesterday she was booed at the orange bowl. stereogum links to video of the debacle.

priceless photo of a drunken chris noth (you know, mr. big) on the subway in pink fuzzy slippers here.

more details on project engagement. seal proposed to heidi klum on top of a mountain on christmas eve in canada. canada, IT'S SO ROMANTIC.

orlando bloom and kate bosworth may have split up because kate gets lonely when they are apart. the source is probably not to be trusted, since it's british. besides, isn't he much more likely to be the dumper than the dumpee? (via lime-light)

sheryl crow, george clooney and christina aguilera will be part of a telethon to raise money for tsunami victims on nbc later this month. way to go. get money out of the regular folks instead of digging into your own deep pockets. gotta love 'em.

awesome! comedy troupe, stella, which features the state's michael ian black, david wain and michael showalter, has gotten a 10 episode deal at comedy central. the show will start (and most likely be cancelled) in the summer. cock jokes don't work when you can't say the word "cock" (via defamer).

get this man on his girlfriend, mischa's probable diet of coke and cigarettes, stat! calling all personal trainers to the stars, we have a manboobs situation. as britpoppa has long been documenting, brandon davis's transformation into his tub of lard brother, jason, is well underway.

i suppose congratulations are in order, be them very bitter congratulations. jude law has proposed to his princess prat, sienna miller. i hope golden fiddle goes back up soon so he can continue his delicious daily bashings of the barely legal bride-to-be. see her rock here.

it's the battle of celebrity donations. steven spielberg one-upped sandra bullock by donating $1.5 million to the tsunami victims. in your face, miss congeniality. jay leno is doing his part by auctioning off a harley signed by celebrities. leonardo dicaprio and david beckham are each scheduled to visit the wreckage soon.

halle berry knows how to treat her pussy. she recently bought her orange tabby, play-doh, $70 imported anchovies. that's one cat that will never touch nine lives again.

hear that? it's the sound of star wars nerds blowing their loads all over the newsstands next month. vanity fair is featuring a cover with stars from all of the six films. yes, even jar-jar.

britney spears has big plans for her david silver look-a-like husband, kevin federline. she hopes to remake him in the image of eminem. that's right, k. feds is going to be a rapper. he's also going to hire all of his friends to work on the couple's clothing line. right, cause stoners are so productive.

lindsay lohan is going have some competition in her next film. sure samaire armstrong, who played the amazing anna on "the oc", is only her sidekick in the upcoming flick from the director of how to lose a guy in 10 days. but i have a feeling the perky pixie may steal the show.

there hasn't been much "felicity" for jennifer garner lately. she's been under the weather, dealing with a viral infection that has caused her to pull out of many elektra promotional appearances. no word on whether she will be able to make the movie's upcoming las vegas premiere. either way, her gambling fiend boyfriend, ben affleck will probably be there.

if you spill spinach on jessica simpson, you better hope mtv is there to pick up the bill. the singer/actress and her husband were so infuriated when a waiter dropped the creamy dish on her dress that they refused to pay for their meal. mtv forked over the dough and the incident was caught by "newlyweds" cameras.

keira knightley is gearing up for some hard labour. in case her movie career doesn't pan out, she'll have something to fall back on. she's currently undergoing training to be a bricklayer. i'd lay her bricks, if you catch my meaning.

anna kournikova's parents must be peeved that she didn't invite them to her fake wedding. they're suing their daughter for their portion of a miami beach house that she attempted to remove their names from.

nicholas cage has come up with a viagra alternative. his wedding ring was made of amber in an attempt to improve his sex life. i thought marrying a twentysomething geisha girl was an attempt to improve his sex life.

beyond the sea co-stars, kate bosworth and kevin spacey may reunite soon onscreen. kate bosworth beat out beyonce knowles for the role of lois lane in the new superman flick and kevin spacey is predicted to become lex luthor.

benicio del toro does a little yoga now and then. he has to be limber to bed all those young, blonde starlets. brandon davis could learn a thing or two from you.

it's time for the first half-assed review tuesday of 2005. hooray! today, i lavish love upon my current favorite treat: a salad?!?!

ode to dole creamy garlic caesar salad kit

dole creamy caesar,
you really are a true crowd pleaser.
though i've never liked anchovies,
i am forever your loyal crony.
conveniently sold in a bag,
but you're never one to brag.
crisp lettuce and croutons are a blessing,
but you owe your flavor to your dressing.
i tried to find a substitute
for this salad that's a beaut.
it proved a fruitless task
as dole caesar was made to last.

i am pleased to announce a new feature here at britpoppa, 2001: a gossip odyssey, in which we step back into time to see what was going on in the world of celebrity gossip four years ago. we tend to think that not much can happen in a mere four years. however, four years can be the length of a presidency, it can represent one's transition from high school to college graduate and it is 28 years to a dog. thus, i present 2001: a gossip odyssey.

on this day in 2001, people were talking about:

the possibility that helen hunt had an affair with kevin spacey on the set of pay it forward. back then we thought k.s. was straight.

the fact that gwyneth paltrow and huey lewis had a number two hit in australia with "cruisin'". number two sounds like an apt description of the song.

stephen dorff's boat, which severed a girl's leg while he was driving it in st. bart's. that's one blade that had to hurt.

katie holmes's rack. some things never change. rumors about her first nude scene in the gift were already building up.

on this day in 2001:

julia ormond turned 36

dave foley turned 38

les brown died

rachel bilson knows a good keyboard when she sees one. if only she had the same taste in men. . . (just joshin' adam; britpoppa loves you!)

kirsten dunst boob slip update: color pics here (via defamer). in addition to flashing the world, the spiderman star put the moves on zach braff in st. bart's, dancing on a table for him. wait until mandy hears about this.

leonardo dicaprio and sandra bullock have made huge donations to tsunami victims, but never underestimate the generosity of jewish mysticism. the kabbalah center is sending 10,000 liters of blessed kabbalah water to indonesia. also giving, petra nemcova, the model who held onto a tree for 8 hours, is donating the proceeds from an exclusive picture she took for us weekly to other victims.

pacey fans who've been singing "i don't wanna wait" since "dawson's creek" was canceled, may have their wish. tv execs are trying to tempt joshua jackson with a spin-off series based on his lovable slacker character.

madonna got to act "like a virgin" one more time as she relived her wedding night over the holidays. she and hubby guy ritchie renewed their vows after four years together. ritchie gave his wife a ring that cost nearly $200k to celebrate the occasion.

seal and heidi klum are preparing to exchange vows themselves. heidi's been sporting a huge rock from her man and the newly engaged couple plan to "seal" their nuptials with a "kiss from a rose".

brad pitt and jennifer aniston are trying to put to rest rumors that their marriage is on the rocks. the two have been photographed on a romantic island holiday with buds, courteney cox and david arquette.

jessica simpson is a huge fan of the beatles, but she doesn't understand how sean lennon could have written all those songs. he's her age.

i guess these folks didn't read the latest letter of truth. the daily mirror reports that britney is considering going to college in forensic science after being inspired by csi and consulting natalie portman. do your homework, guys. she really wants to direct.

if there's one thing paris hilton knows how to do, it's use her assets. she recently tried to check in to an exclusive miami hotel without a reservation. when she learned it was booked, she traded a male guest his room for a dinner date.

kate beckinsale must let her family pets watch conan o'brien. she had to give away her daughter's rabbit to a housekeeper because it wouldn't stop masturbating in its cage.

it's hard work being justin timberlake's "senorita". in fact, cameron diaz was so jealous of a model who posed with her man in a steamy photo shoot that when she was sat behind the girl at a restaurant, she threw ice at her.

"desperate housewives" tidbits:

teri hatcher hasn't had sex in four years (via whatevs.org).

nicolette sheridan is engaged to a no-name actor.

marcia cross showed her dirty pillows in a 1996 movie called female perversions.

models are crazy: claudia schiffer has hired former nepalese gurkhas to protect herself and her family from stalkers. next time go for former yakuzas.

ben affleck and jennifer garner are cursing their assistants for not being around to get their coffee in the rain.

thanks to all of you who nominated me for a best of blog award, but unfortunately, i was not selected as a finalist. i know, it's a travesty. i personally don't find personal blogs to be all that snarky, but what do i know? anyway, all is not lost because the boy (who doesn't want to be refered to as kitty anymore) totally did make the cut in the best music blog category. you can vote for him every 24 hours here.

after a much-deserved break and a bit of controversy, britpoppa's semi-weekly celebrity guessing game has returned. this lovely lady, and ugg enthusiast, recently spent some much needed alone time with her man in a celeb-friendly hotspot. do you know who she is? extra points for naming the hotspot and the man she visited there with. leave your guesses in the comments section and return wednesday evening for the answer.

tara reid did what she does best on new year's, drink. here she is double fisting and chugging a beer.

david schwimmer was being his sleazy self again in miami over new year's. he was desperately trying to get himself introduced to jessica alba, who is 15 years younger than the former "friends" star. much to his dismay, she was with her "hunky mystery man", cash warren. see pics of jess and cash making out (as well as some shots of the "dark angel's" A as she bends over in a bikini) here (via oh no they didn't).

mary-kate and ashley olsen were giving their employees a real treat this year: used clothes. the pint-sized sisters opened up their closets for their staff, giving them their pick of clothing and accessories. according to one eyewitness, "people were walking out with wheelbarrows full of stuff." either dualstar employs a hell of a lot of midgets or these goodies are going on ebay.

rebecca loos has gone and showed off her loose lips again. she revealed that victoria beckham, whose husband she allegedly slept with while working for him in madrid, has had three boob jobs. not that it's at all surprising. there's no way a stick figure like posh could maintain a rack like that.

karrine steffans has gone public about her three-month affair with usher "do it for poppy" raymond, proving why she has earned the nickname, "superhead". she tells all about the pop star's penchant for public sex and demeaning remarks. for details on other hip-hop stars' bedroom behavior, check this out.

imdb news:

diana ross has pulled out of her deal to create her own line of cosmetics with mac because she didn't like the names they gave the products. i guess dui dusty rose wasn't her cup of tea.

michael keaton wants to make another beetlejuice movie. because the first one was so good.

jennifer lopez almost named her new album call me jennifer because she hates the name j. lo so much. maybe she shouldn't have given herself the nickname then.

u2, coldplay, the darkness and franz ferdinand may be a part of live aid 2 for tsunami relief.

the hiltons also spent the holiday perfecting their forte, drunkenly exposing crotch. classy, gals.

my prayers were answered. kirsten dunst totally lost her top while swimming in st. bart's and the whole thing was photographed. to see the magical moment when her bikini rode up, click here. (undying gratitude to the poster at oh no they didn't)