Monday, April 25, 2005

as justin timberlake so eloquently illustrates with his trucker cap, "work sucks." you may have noticed that britpoppa's been rather sparse in the updates department. that's because our 9 to 5 is kicking our ass right now. expect things to be rather sporadic until may 16. then we'll be back and badder than ever.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

in honor of star magazine's 83rd beach bodies issue, here's a beach body we wouldn't mind having: natalie portman's.

there's just too much news and too much work so here's the run down:
  • scarlett johansson is stealing josh hartnett away from katie holmes. please lord, let there be a catfight.
  • katherine moennig has just as much game in real life as she does on "the l word". no surprise though, she is gwyneth's cousin.
  • spring is in the air: paris hilton's feeling maternal. she should probably just buy another chihuahua.
  • justin timberlake is clearly batshit insane.
  • life imitates art: keanu reeves is doing diane keaton.
  • also pregnant: benjamin bratt's wife, talisa soto. not that anyone gives a rat's ass about benjamin bratt.

    gwen stefani models a hoodie with the lyrics form her new hit, "hollaback girl". what's really bananas is that rastafarian hat she has on.

    and back to the dish:
  • the hanson clan expands again. looks like 22-year-old taylor's as potent as k. feds's.
  • lindsay's boobs are the only thing enhanced on her body, she loves her new collagen lips.
  • liz hurley's son will definitely get beat up.
  • hmm, maybe britney and lynne aren't as close as they seem. why else would she be getting pregnancy advice from madonna instead of mom?
  • why not ruin tonight's episode of "the oc" a little?
  • why can't these two billionaires get back together? it's so sad.

    lindsay's a blonde. doesn't she look awful? this is no way to win back wilmer, girl.
  • sure, he pioneered the trucker hat look in hollywood, but the majority of you who pitted the hipster as ashton kutcher in britpoppa's semi-weekly celebrity guessing game forgot one thing: this guy was missing the red string bracelet. nope, our german shepherd-loving hunk was none other than newly-married chad michael murray. hate to tell you, but some of you did get punk'd.

    wrong guesses: kelso, hayden christensen, paulo costanzo and eric estrada.

    Tuesday, April 19, 2005

    salma's got jungle fever. jamie's got jungle fever. they've got jungle fever. they're in love. that is if she's gotten over penelope.

    breaking news: lindsay lohan's gone blonde!

    everyone's getting married!
  • chad and sophia
  • rob and amber
  • jennifer and ben
  • demi and ashton

    britney, now that the world knows you're pregnant, it's really time to lay off the herb. sure it helps with the morning sickness, but your kid's going to need all the help she can get in the brains department with cletus as a father.

    everyone's having babies!
  • nancy kerrigan
  • michelle williams
  • jamelia

    or just getting fat!
  • leonardo dicaprio

    looks like 17-year-old hilary duff is finally making her illegal relationship with 26-year-old joel madden public. hey hil, since you and haylie like to share everything, why don't you hook her up with benji? he's a total stud.

    everyone's getting arrested!
  • chris tucker
  • natasha lyonne (well not quite yet)
  • johnny cash

    keira knightley and her model boyfriend jamie dornan have developed a new sport, synchronized cell phone usage. try it with your mate today!
  • free cone day! it's been super busy at work lately so we may or may not get to do an actual post today. in the meantime, tide yourself over with some free ice cream at ben and jerry's. and read about our undying love for free cone day. (p.s. next monday score free ice cream cake at cold stone creamery.)

    Monday, April 18, 2005

    britpoppa's not feeling particularly "bloggy" today (blame it on "the mondays"), so you'll just have to settle for a "spot the hipster" version of the semi-weekly celebrity guessing game. so just who is this fella who has a thing for canada and german shepherds?

    Friday, April 15, 2005

    kate moss, while normally the epitome of model-y style, is inexplicably rockin out in these skin tight white jeans and keds. we are dumbfounded.

    forget "revelations", the next "surreal life" will be the greatest story ever told.

    gwyneth paltrow may look perfect, but she has problems too. ever since she gave birth to her little apple, she's had trouble remembering her lines. good thing there's no dialogue involved in modeling jewelry.

    it's the final count down - until the wedding singer is comes to broadway. mark your calendars for april 2006. this is sure to be one to remember.

    jessica simpson, who five days earlier looked nicole richie skinny, was back to her hippy, hourglass look of the late '90s the other night. guess she never read any of those articles on how to dress 10 pounds lighter.

    garden gnomes are having the best week ever.

    cameron diaz? more like cameron diva. though her new mtv show, "trippin'" makes her look like the definition of a no-fuss free spirit, it takes a lot of work to look so care-free. she's charged the network for her hair extensions and acne treatments. like she can't afford it.

    nic cage's wife is sure going for that stereotypical submissive asian wife thing, isn't she? well, we can't really blame her since it got her out of that job as a sushi waitress. we'd do far more drastic things to get out of our 9 to 5.

    did jude law and sienna miller secretly get married? nope, probably not.

    if "power girls" had you at all swayed into believing that lizzie grubman is just a nice girl, this will change your mind. that is, if you forgot about that whole running people down in the hamptons incident.

    britney spears swoons over kevin federline's first fashion magazine cover, despite the fact that that l'uomo vogue photoshoot boasts one of the most heinous uses of cornrows ever. this couple is quite the contradiction, while they can afford a new home in las vegas (to be closer to vanessa?) and an infiniti, they just can't scrounge up enough change for some ice cream.

    Thursday, April 14, 2005

    scarlett johansson is still having some skin problems. nice to know that the gorgeous girl with the sexy voice has a bit of monet in her. and speaking of clueless... (via pink is the new blog).

    brittany murphy loves to give it away. first she's kissing homeless men and now she's posing for our "american bravehearts". let's make her the next pope. and to kill two birds with one stone, let's nominate j.lo for sainthood.

    lindsay lohan's been stalking her ex, wilmer valderrama, prompting him to get a bodyguard. this dude must be a pretty big pansy if he's scared of a 86-pound 18-year-old. guess he doesn't have to stretch much to play fez after all.

    we never really bought in to chris klein's appeal. and we certainly questioned how he managed to bag a babe like katie holmes. but now that we've seen his mugshot from the dui he was charged with 2 months ago, we understand. guess we just like bad boys (via defamer).

    this dude from interpol must live under a goddamn rock. either that or he's just a fucking asshole. oh yeah, probably the second one.

    someone call "nanny 911". there's a naughty little celebrity child running around england giving out the finger.

    go ahead, brit. scarf down that ice cream. and next time, get a double scoop. it's cool now, you're eating for two, babe. but stay away from the ciggies, okay? and while we're at it, is it a girl bun in your oven or not?

    fred durst is shopping around his own reality show. we wonder if he knows that the only people who would watch it are of those of the "stare at a car crash" mentality.

    jay mccarroll update: he's pissing off the press, badmouthing other designers and getting super drunk. jay's clearly destined for the upper echelons of the fashion world. yay!

    thanks to golden fiddle for breaking the news that jessica alba had gotten a hair cut. like chris klein, we never really went for jessica before. this kirsten dunst pixie thing made us so excited we peed a little, though.

    Wednesday, April 13, 2005

    you guys are too good. we thought maybe the fact that tori spelling hasn't done anything notable in the last five years (or let's face it, ever - unless you count co-ed call girl, which we do) would render her nearly unrecognizable. boy were we wrong. you'd recognize those Ts her daddy bought for her anywhere.

    wrong guesses: kelly preston, sarah michelle gellar, heidi klum.
    there's nothing britpoppa loves more than comments. bring em on, whether they're naughty or nice. while we love each and every one of you who has left a message on this blog, we have to admit to having a favorite commenter. and that title belongs to miss vanessa hulihan. vanessa, if you don't know her, is the "vip escort" who "hangs out" with kevin federline while he's in las vegas. she has, on occasion, come to britpoppa's livejournal presence to clear things up about their relationship. here are the gems she's bestowed upon our little weblog. (oh and she's started her own livejournal.)

    january 25, 2005
    KEVIN FEDERLINE IN VEGAS WITH ESCORT..WHAT THE HELL
    vanessa hulihan
    I just want to say I feel bad for this guy he gets such a bad rap, Ive hung out with him and his friends a few times and hes so sweet why everyone picks on him I have no idea. And just to set the record straight to everyone no Im not a escort and no me and Kevin did not get lap dances together before someone came in the strip club and took a picture. I am a vip host and thats all!

    xoxo VANESSA
    (VEGAS'S #1 VIP HOST)

    april 12, 2005
    VANESSA COMMENTING
    vannessa hulihan
    I just wanted to say that I hope everyone saw my last comment where I said Kevin was a sweetheart and how these rumors got out of control about me and Kevin in Vegas Im really not sure. Anyways you guys should go a little easier on Brit and Kev posts that i see around the internet not that you guys post that great of stuff about me either but its no biggie..lol anyways they are good people. As far as the Hard Rock goes and I love the Hard Rock dont get me wrong I just think Tommy Lipnick should not say things to the press that arent true...but oh well I guess I should forgive him on his comment to reporter Norm Clarke.

    xoxo Vanessa

    Re: VANESSA COMMENTING
    anonymous poster
    are you crazy?

    Re: VANESSA COMMENTING
    vanessa hulihan
    no the last time I checked I wasnt but I think people who say I wasnt somewhere when i was might be coo coo not me, especially when they saw me all weekend!

    Re: VANESSA COMMENTING
    redacted poster
    Yes, Britney is well on her way to becoming the single, white trash, unwashed moo of her dreams.

    Re: VANESSA COMMENTING
    vanessa hulihan
    Well everyone has their own opinion on people. People think Kevin is a bad guy out to get her money when I dont think that at all...hes actually a really nice guy.

    xoxo vanessa
    we're still stoked about the britney/kevin pregnancy, so we dropped them a note of congratulations this morning. these recent pics of the couple make it look as though kevin's been putting on some sympathy weight. what a nice guy. he even spent hours at brit's bedside when she was admitted to the hospital last week. that aside, who's this woman following them around?

    with his legions of failed relationships (juliette lewis, gwyneth paltrow, jennifer aniston), brad pitt's a pro at the break-up thing. no wonder he helped his troy co-star orlando bloom get over his split with kate bosworth. yeah, we bet they spent a lot of time "comforting" each other.

    missed the charles and camilla nuptials on purpose? maybe sophia bush and chad michael murray are more your style. rumor is they're tying the knot this weekend after spending this past one in vegas doing the bachelor/bachelorette party thing. that gives paris and lindsay one last chance to break things up (via oh no they didn't).

    it's not fair. how come the skinny girls lose weight after a break-up? we always run to the ice cream.

    we were kind of looking forward to tonight's premiere of "revelations" on nbc. apocalypse? awesome. bill pullman? cool. natascha mcelhone? hot. fred durst? total cock block.

    if you want to hang with jamie foxx, you better smile for the camera, bitch.

    liv tyler looks a little bummed as she walks her king charles spaniel. she's probably thinking about her ex-boyfriend, joaquin phoenix, who just checked into rehab. hey liv, since he can't hit the bottle, why don't you send him some virtual crack?

    planning a visit to washington state? don't miss kurt cobain's hometown of aberdeen. and don't worry how you look - they want you to come as you are.

    everyone knows that now when paris and nicole call each other "bitch" they aren't joking, but have things gotten so bad that hilton needs a new "simple life" co-star? apparently she's hoping to snag mary-kate or ashley, while nicole may do her own "newlyweds" with fiance, dj am (via oh no they didn't).

    if you still care about natalie imbruglia/that dude from silverchair...

    we were sad to see lluvy leave "america's next top model" last week. even the boy liked her. and we thought for sure flesh-eaten michelle would get the boot. but it was not to be. if you're missing her already, check out this interview.

    spring break is coming to "the oc" and they're doing it up boca style - check out seth's geriatric sunglasses. we can't wait for this episode when sexy sin city siren jamie king (or james as we still refer to her from back in her horse riding and delias catalog days) plays some shuffleboard with the boys. what will summer and marissa think?

    Tuesday, April 12, 2005

    britney's finally fessed up to the federline fetus inside her. to celebrate, we've given you a couple baby-themed songs (at least in name) to sway to. hope you enjoy em!

    brian eno - baby's on fire
    four tops - baby i need your loving

    (p.s. joaquin phoenix is in rehab. after you've dated liv tyler, you have nowhere to go but down.)
    what's ashton kutcher been up to lately? besides starring in a couple of mediocre movies, apparently he's been playing guess who and taking a freaky looking demi moore out on the town. maybe she's trying to pull a shandi and get high fashion for her upcoming role as a versace spokesmodel.

    britney baby alert: page sixsixsix says she's in the hospital due to pregnancy complications. we're really pulling for you, hon. we're desperate to see how a child raised solely on cheetos and red bull will look.

    it looks like k.d. lang is giving tobey maguire a run for his money. but seriously, in a world of shrinking kates, jessicas and nicoles, it's nice to see some ladies packing on the pounds.

    kate beckinsale is prepping herself for the stunts in the underworld sequel by smoking up a storm. but even a diet of cigarettes hasn't spared this english rose from the horrors of cellulite.

    the words of a genius: "in addition to my own sense of style, i think a lot of people admire tinkerbell's look as well." - paris hilton on her motivation for designing dog collars. is there anything she won't put her name on?

    the only thing more boring than playing charades is watching other people play it. but seriously rosie perez yelling out some off-target guesses could be pretty funny.

    jessica alba has decided she never wants to be without cash (warren, her boyfriend). she's sure to be the subject of engagement speculation as she's been spotted wearing a ring on her left hand. he's a civilian and all, but couldn't her man spring for a bigger rock?

    why hasn't ben affleck gotten a nobel prize yet?

    lookin good, j. lo. or is it j. anth? next time leave the heavy colored eye shadow to the golden girls set, okay?

    when you're a celebrity, you can invite people you've never met to your birthday party. we're aiming high for our 25th - sexy sexagenarian kurt loder. (can you believe it? he's totally turning 60 next month)

    lindsay lohan decrees the new look for spring: sideburns. is it just us or does she look a little like elijah wood in this picture?

    Monday, April 11, 2005

    do you know who this butterfly-loving lady is? we bet she'd be pretty insulted if you didn't. she is a very important person, you know. otherwise how would she have gotten her dog a meeting with the pet psychic? if you have a guess, leave it in the comments section and come back wednesday evening for the reveal.
    if jake gyllenhaal really is toothy tile as everyone has been suspecting, then we think there are some boys out there who'll be mighty happy to see just how big he can open up his mouth. does anyone know what he's eating? it looks strange to us. whatever it is, it's on the menu at urth cafe (one of ex-girlfriend kirtsen dunst's favorite brunch stops).

    well cutting back on the chaw sure didn't help chris of "the apprentice" to cut back on the hostility. the 22-year-old "millionaire" was arrested on saturday at a florida indian reservation casino. he's hoping that the donald feels that any publicity's good publicity. and from the looks of those dominos commercials, it seems he does. speaking of the donald, his miss usa pageant is on tonight with raj as a judge. love it.

    lizzy jagger may pose for playboy. and daddy mick's none too pleased about the idea. we'd definitely visit fleshbot for those pics, though.

    things are looking bad for britney and kevin. the dumpy duo have hauled ass to hawaii in an attempt to save their ailing marriage. they should just go on dr. phil and get it over with. but seriously, we're rooting for ya'll. you're britpoppa's favorite impromptu marriage of 2004.

    hayden christensen = total fag?

    christina ricci has the lamest celebrity ride we've ever seen. even our mom's 13-year-old camry is sleeker than this boring ford sedan. goldberg, take your girl to a mercedes dealership, stat!

    stay away from pete doherty, missy elliott. allegedly he's a one minute man (via a socialite's life). oh, and he puts kevin federline to shame in the stink factor. now we finally understand the appeal.

    ashton kutcher: what a sweetheart. we can almost forgive him for pretty much singlehandedly bringing back the trucker cap. nope, nevermind, nothing excuses that.

    there go our hopes of ever living the lush life in a manhattan co-op. guess barney's co-op will have to do.

    tobey maguire's got a long way to go before he's ready to film spiderman 3. dude - seen here leaving the la u2 concert - needs to switch to light beer and stay away from the reefer if he's going to curb those munchies.

    Friday, April 08, 2005

    this one time, we had a blog. it was awesome. remember that? those were the good old days. until we come back, chew on this photo of brittany murphy allowing herself to be kissed by one of her more homeless fans. in the mean time, we're one!

    Monday, April 04, 2005

    britpoppa's sick again. it sucks. question for you all: would any of you want a new york herald tribune t-shirt a la the one jean seberg wore in breathless? saw jenny in a similar one on "the l word" last night and coveted it, so we made one on the internet. thing is, you have to buy at least 6 shirts for them to make one. leave a comment if you're interested. they would be $25 including shipping and they are american apparel girly jersey tees (sizes s-xl).

    Friday, April 01, 2005

    penelope cruz woke up the other morning and decided that she wanted to merge her career and her personal life. she loved taking on different personas so much that she wanted to do it in her free time as well. on this day, she has decided to become barbarella. considering her boyfriend is from big-hair-loving texas, we're surprised it took penelope this long to tease her tresses. p.s. like a true nerd, this girl loves charades.

    page sixsixsix has all the dirt. like melissa rivers dating cris judd (huh, we thought she was with tonya) and ryan philippe moving out of reese witherspoon's house (so sad). he even has pictures of britpoppa's occasional commenter and kevin federline's occasional concubine, vanessa hulihan. nice score, perez! we need more gay friends.

    best movie ever (via oh no they didn't)

    if paris and nicole decide to give up "the simple life", lizzie and jonathan might just be the next best thing. (omg, you guys, riding the bus is so funny! btw, love that clarendon top. could you comp me a few?)

    everyone knows paris hilton looks hungry - there's hardly an ounce of fat on that rail-thin body. but who knew she was this hungry. she's about to eat her new chihuahua, bambi. now we know where tinkerbell went...

    to quote stephanie tanner (or was it dj?), "whoa baby!" it seems there's another celebrity couple with a child on the way. and it's one of the last we would have suspected. heath ledger, who broke up with naomi watts last year because he wasn't ready to settle down, has knocked up our favorite dawson's creeker, michelle williams. interesting, we were sure heath was jake fake.

    just when you thought jessica simpson couldn't get any more stupid...

    mariah carey recently admitted that she sometimes wished she would be kidnapped so that she could escape her ex-husband, tommy mottola. unfortunately, for mariah, no kidnapper could endure her grating personality.

    samaire armstrong was, for a time, the best part of "the oc". unlike lindsay or zack, anna seemed an organic addition to the core group of friends on the show. plus, it didn't hurt that she was cute as hell. so we have to say, we're a little stoked for just my luck, even though it's sure to be more of a drama queen than a mean girls. still, what was the stylist on this movie thinking? did they dye samaire's hair with kool aid or what? so retro.