wonder woman? more like wonder matron. jessica biel is dueling with kim basinger over the comic book heroine part in a joss whedon-penned film. isn't kim like 50 years old? barf.
nicole richie has vowed to never get liposuction after witnessing the procedure while filming "the simple life". we would hope she wouldn't get lipo. the only fat on her 97-pound body is in her boobs. and what's a blonde without boobs?
rem just can't escape the tour woes. mike mills, the only member of the band who had yet to have his health affect a tour, was hospitalized last night for a severe case of the flu, forcing the band to cancel a sheffield, uk, gig. has he been hanging around michael jackson?
sisqo and samantha mumba are expecting their first child together in july. what got sisqo turned on enough to sow his seed? must have been that thong-tha-thong-thong-thong.
ashton kutcher and demi moore snuggle up after their plane lands in los angeles. they had gone on a mexican getaway for valentine's day that, unfortunately, did not result in marriage. ashton, make an honest woman out of this lady, quick!
turns out the event for which cameron diaz and justin timberlake went to las vegas was an engagement party. the couple celebrated their relationship with their friends at the hard rock hotel. can't anyone just bite the bullet and get married already?
britpoppa's favorite closet case, nyc scenester, fabian basabe, is having to fight allegations that he punched a marquee clubgoer in the face. we doubt he did it, but it's not unlike a queen to start a cat fight. meow!
more news from paris hilton's hacked sidekick: could she be tipping off the tabloids? a note that she left herself seems to indicate that she may have told an us weekly editor that jessica simpson was eyeing justin timberlake. hmmm...
ashlee simpson dresses as the ringleader for the circus that is sure to be her live act. check out more pics of her heinous stage wear here.
pam anderson normally makes us want to reach for a barfbag, but she's pretty cool when it comes to animal activism. last week, while in vegas, the former "v.i.p." star refused to get into an elevator with a woman wearing fur. nice move, blondie.
who knew sean connery liked to bump his tunes like a baller? he's being sued by a neighbor who claims that he has made it impossible to get any rest. the neighbor said, "plays loud music at all hours". pretty impressive for a 74-year-old.
like father, like daughter. lizzie jagger's a slut.
jude law and sienna miller are just like us! except we can't afford to shop at barney's co-op. and our doors t-shirts aren't designer; they were handed down to us by our drunk uncle. jude's taken his fiancee's hard partying ways into his own hands. he's signed on for a movie set in london, in part to keep an eye on her.
slash without a top hat is like lindsay lohan without a mondo pair of jumblies: unrecognizable. the iconic former guns 'n roses member lost his signature headwear in a limo at the grammys. when asked to comment, slash said, "that hat was like a sweet child o' mine!"
fun distractions for the bored:
tom cruise doesn't seem to like american girls (though we doubt he likes any girls). his latest love interest (at least for the sake of the press) is latin starlet, sofia vergara. her nickname is "sofia viagra". that's a good thing since viagra's probably the only way cruise could get it up for a woman.
gwyneth paltrow braves the cold in her north face bubble jacket. be careful, gywnnie, those things are really hot right now.