Wednesday, January 05, 2005

get this man on his girlfriend, mischa's probable diet of coke and cigarettes, stat! calling all personal trainers to the stars, we have a manboobs situation. as britpoppa has long been documenting, brandon davis's transformation into his tub of lard brother, jason, is well underway.

i suppose congratulations are in order, be them very bitter congratulations. jude law has proposed to his princess prat, sienna miller. i hope golden fiddle goes back up soon so he can continue his delicious daily bashings of the barely legal bride-to-be. see her rock here.

it's the battle of celebrity donations. steven spielberg one-upped sandra bullock by donating $1.5 million to the tsunami victims. in your face, miss congeniality. jay leno is doing his part by auctioning off a harley signed by celebrities. leonardo dicaprio and david beckham are each scheduled to visit the wreckage soon.

halle berry knows how to treat her pussy. she recently bought her orange tabby, play-doh, $70 imported anchovies. that's one cat that will never touch nine lives again.

hear that? it's the sound of star wars nerds blowing their loads all over the newsstands next month. vanity fair is featuring a cover with stars from all of the six films. yes, even jar-jar.

britney spears has big plans for her david silver look-a-like husband, kevin federline. she hopes to remake him in the image of eminem. that's right, k. feds is going to be a rapper. he's also going to hire all of his friends to work on the couple's clothing line. right, cause stoners are so productive.

lindsay lohan is going have some competition in her next film. sure samaire armstrong, who played the amazing anna on "the oc", is only her sidekick in the upcoming flick from the director of how to lose a guy in 10 days. but i have a feeling the perky pixie may steal the show.

there hasn't been much "felicity" for jennifer garner lately. she's been under the weather, dealing with a viral infection that has caused her to pull out of many elektra promotional appearances. no word on whether she will be able to make the movie's upcoming las vegas premiere. either way, her gambling fiend boyfriend, ben affleck will probably be there.

if you spill spinach on jessica simpson, you better hope mtv is there to pick up the bill. the singer/actress and her husband were so infuriated when a waiter dropped the creamy dish on her dress that they refused to pay for their meal. mtv forked over the dough and the incident was caught by "newlyweds" cameras.

keira knightley is gearing up for some hard labour. in case her movie career doesn't pan out, she'll have something to fall back on. she's currently undergoing training to be a bricklayer. i'd lay her bricks, if you catch my meaning.

anna kournikova's parents must be peeved that she didn't invite them to her fake wedding. they're suing their daughter for their portion of a miami beach house that she attempted to remove their names from.

nicholas cage has come up with a viagra alternative. his wedding ring was made of amber in an attempt to improve his sex life. i thought marrying a twentysomething geisha girl was an attempt to improve his sex life.

beyond the sea co-stars, kate bosworth and kevin spacey may reunite soon onscreen. kate bosworth beat out beyonce knowles for the role of lois lane in the new superman flick and kevin spacey is predicted to become lex luthor.

benicio del toro does a little yoga now and then. he has to be limber to bed all those young, blonde starlets. brandon davis could learn a thing or two from you.