Wednesday, November 10, 2004


what i learned in the express today:
louisiana is the least healthy state in the country, according to an annual report sponsored by the united health foundation. it figures, the pelican state spawned the cheeto-loving britney spears, did it not? minnesota, the land of 1,000 lakes, is healthiest.

and, in case you were wondering, here's one of the innumerable reasons why i LOVE the express: last thursday, 19-year-old olympic medalist (and md resident) michael phelps was arrested for driving under the influence. yesterday, the express voiced its sentiment for the incident with a poem. it continued to address the arrest in verse today:
just because you didn't win every single medal,
does that mean you had to keep your foot on the pedal?
and what were you doing on the eastern shore anyway?
you couldn't save your debauchery for another day?
your rambling apology means nothing to me, phelps.
your drinking and driving, who do you think that helps?
maybe the judge will let you go shirtless when you clean the road,
and all your screaming fans will gawk by the busload;
and maybe in beijing you'll achieve your dream of eight gold wins.
or if you're not careful you'll only be fastest swimmer of the has-beens.
ridiculing in rhymes. brilliant.