Friday, October 29, 2004

and now for some updates from your favorite blogger's lunch hour at the mall.

border's white flint does not yet have season one of the oc. what they did have was the latest issue of interview magazine, noteworthy because it features a "story" on the reason it is cool to name-drop vassar again, jessi klein (thus merging together two of my old stomping grounds). for those of you not in the know, klein is the sexiest regular on "best week ever" (if you don't count paul scheer). the interview feature is skimpy on the text, but boasts two large spankworthy photos for those of you who have imagined yourself tearing one of those dowdy sweaters right off the 29-year-old comedy central exec (i know you're out there).

meanwhile, celine dion provides all you bulimic britpoppa readers plenty of excuses to barf with her latest effort. according to her website, "miracle is is a unique collaboration between celine dion and anne geddes that inspires a unique combination of images and music celebrating the bond of love between a mother and her baby." if the box set hadn't almost made me blow chunks when i saw it 20 minutes ago, i certainly would have done so after reading that. wow.
kirsten dunst has decided that the only way to get people to take her political opinions seriously is to look like total ass.

like many "full house" fans the world over, i was delighted to discover that john stamos and rebecca romijn had called it quits. i thought, "maybe this is my chance at true love with my favorite uncle, uncle jesse." those hopes have been squandered by another starfucker, krista allen. miss allen famously dated perpetual bachelor george clooney, her co-star and director in confessions of a dangerous mind.

if you love celibuskanks, you'll probably want to cry when you hear that rod stewart's tarty daughter kimberly is engaged. to some dude named cisco. no, not sisqo.

ru paul is blaming racism for his latest album's exclusion from media outlets such as us weekly, when in actuality, he should be thanking his lucky stars that they spared him the bad reviews.

the lime-light.org message boards report that contact music is claiming that justin timberlake will have a recurring role on "the oc". i couldn't find the story myself. for those of you who like your manchild scruffy, jt is pictured all tatted up for his role in alpha dogs.

Thursday, October 28, 2004



is britney pregnant or isn't she? we'll know when she starts dunking her cheetos in red bull. nah, she probably already does that. she and kevin may be planning to do a clothing line. expect lots of trucker caps, wife beaters and shoelaceless sneakers.

page six is reporting that jessica simpson is fuming over allegations that hubby nick lachey did more than watch porn star jessica jaymes perform at his bachelor party. reliably, both jaymes and the lachey camps are calling the charges a bunch of malarky.

jude law will make a cameo on ricky gervais's new sitcom, while is scheduled to appear on the simpsons.

people magazine scored this pic of ben mckenzie and emily van camp out together. maybe those dating rumors are true despite their publicists' denials.

more oc news: apparently the link to the star 94 melinda clarke interview on this page confirms the real-life seth and summer engagement. i haven't been able to listen to it, since i'm currently on the work train (via lime-light.org).

some fat lady at marquee freaked out on paris and nicole when she thought they were going to oust her from her table. the "simple life" stars reportedly called her "four eyes" and threw ice. classy.

david beckham, beyonce and j. lo will film a martial arts pepsi ad together in europe. don't expect to see the spectacle stateside, though.

forget that gone with the wind theme, puffy's birthday party will now be a "royal birthday ball" at cipriani. the invitations include this dress code, "silk, velvet and other luxurious fabrics and . . . hand-tailored suits and gorgeous dresses flown in from the fashion houses of paris." i love a rap mogul dressed in velvet. p. dids will also soon be seen on a movie screen near you in the prequel to carlito's way.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

if you're reading this, it's a miracle. blogger hates me right now. maybe they're affiliated with christus gardens and didn't like kittytext's review. but you've made it, so here's the gossip.

just as lindsay lohan's condition is improving, another red-headed starlet heads to the hospital. julia roberts is experiencing early contractions, but her twins (due in january) should be fine.

ali fatourechi must be jumping for joy. his rumored gal pal, mary-kate olsen, has returned to nyc and nyu after rumors that she may have dropped out and/or had an anorexia relapse. she was just meeting with counselors and doing business, though, so expect to see her huge-sunglasses at da silvano and tasti d-lite again in the near future.

in a victory for pirates of the caribbean fans, johnny depp's father will be played by keith richards in the sequel. expect more eyeliner, debauchery and few thousand bottles of rum. arrr!

so much for mark philippoussis, paris hilton has laughed off their supposed love affair and was spotted kissing another tennis player, andy roddick, mandy moore's ex. let's hope zach braff is still keeping mandy warm at night as it must be tough dealing with the fact that two of her exes are seeing hollywood it gals (wilmer valderrama, being the other).

b-list relationship news: jason davis is seeing courtney peldon. jason is brandon davis's "little" brother (he's a total porker) and courtney is one of fugging it up's all-time favorites. bad news for all you little person-lovers out there, hottie peter dinklage is engaged to a theater director named erica schmidt. have hope; as far as i know, wee man is still available. congratulations to squeaky fromme. the manson family member who tried to kill president ford has found love in the arms of a fellow convict, a lesbian poison enthusiast.

for p. diddy's 35th birthday next thursday, he has planned a gone with the wind themed party. this is the most ironic thing i have ever heard. maybe ashton kutcher will go as pork and demi moore will be mammy.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

this week marks the triumphant return of a britpoppa-written hart, with an exception, a guest review by the world (wide web) famous scribe of kittytext, my spectacular boyfriend. today, we tackle the topics of bjork's "medulla" and christus gardens.

when i was in middle school, i liked "human behavior", but i didn't really get it. i didn't buy my first bjork cd until my senior year of high school, 1997-1998. i had copied some tapes from my sister's then-husband the summer before and finally laid down the cash for the cd's of "debut" and "post". i would eventually skip my prom to see the "homogenic" tour's stop at the capital ballroom. i guess i had "gotten it". this being said, it pains me to admit that "medulla", bjork's current album, i don't get. true, i have only spent the equivalent of a 40-minute commute to work listening to the near entirely vocal album, but it left me sort of cold. when my middle school self was puzzled by "human behavior", it was just the idea of a little icelandic woman being chased by giant teddy bears that got me; i always liked the music. bjork records were never something that had to grow on me (like stuart staples of the tindersticks or the genius of office space), the enjoyment was immediate. i can't say that for this one.

this album is like an acapella concert on crack. and while that's probably what she's going for, i think bjork should have stayed with her lush, orchestral roots. instead, she's tapped the roots's beatbox champ, rahzel. rahzel is the shit, don't get me wrong, but i wish his swan-covered counterpart had gone again to ex-lovers goldie and tricky for inspiration rather than her current flame, the experimental artist behind the cremaster cycle, matthew barney. there are two stand-out tracks on the album's first listen, "triumph of a heart", because bjork probably enlisted the help of chimpanzees to make it (and everyone knows i love chimps) and "ancestors", but in a bad sense because it sounds as though someone is literally dying to make it. for now, i'm going to have to say, make my bjork old school, with phat (machine-made) beats and fuckin' enormous string sections. earth to my woodland pixie, instruments are so not over.

christus gardens
by kittytext
Nowhere on this mortal plane, save for the innermost depths of my own heart, is the glory of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, better honored than at Christus Gardens in Gatlinburg, Tenn. I forget exactly how many shekels admission to this museum costs, but whatever it is, it’s totally worth it, because what you see inside is Jesus and the whole New Testament Gang done up in wax.

I went there with britpoppa and we were the only members of our tour group of ten or so patrons who don’t qualify for AARP membership. I like old people because they are generally polite and quiet. And I can deal with their smell because my nose is chronically stuffy. If you go to Christus Gardens and, by some odd bit of luck, think you won’t end up in a tour group made up mostly of old people, you should wait until some oldies show up. Half the fun of this place is stifling your own laughter while all these old people are looking at the crummy wax figures with no sense of irony whatsoever.

The wax figures aren’t all that crummy, actually. You watch a video in the beginning of the tour that more or less shows you everything inside anyway (I guess the point is to reduce the possibility of shock that an elderly visitor may experience upon seeing something like the crucifixion diorama – the most dramatic diorama of them all!!!). Jesus Christ, this was a good diorama. I actually was surprised that some of the old ladies on out tour didn’t enter a state of cardiac arrest when the lights went up to reveal the pain and suffering radiated off the three wax figures hanging on the crosses at Calvary. There was blood and everything. Jesus looked so sad. It was in his eyes, which, the video told us, were designed and made by a German company and ensured to be "medically accurate."

Mel Gibson should have visited this joint before making that Passion flick. He could have learned a thing or two about realism. Sure, the last diorama, the one that plays a "Hallelujah" chorus and is supposed to show a risen Jesus hanging out in the Kingdom of God, well it was shitty because the clouds of heaven looked like they were fashioned from a truckload of un-spooled rolls of Charmin. But other than that, these New Testament scenes looked totally real.

Still, there are many scenes from the New Testament not represented that should be. A "Jesus and his Bitches" diorama could help to illustrate to old folks how much Jesus loved hookers and also, through awareness, begin to soften prostitution laws in the immediate area in order to start a whole new economy in Gatlinburg.

There is also this big slab of stone with Jesus’ face cut into it in such a manner that, if you walk around the atrium that houses it, Jesus’ eyes follow you. It’s a watchful gaze that would make John Ashcroft jealous. The narrator of Christus Gardens, a creepy, fatherly voice that guides you through the tour of dioramas, also tries to pass off some bullshit story about how this sculpture is ancient and was found in some Italian vault by Christus Gardens’ founder (who created the Gardens after Jesus allegedly saved him from life-threatening illness). But the stone is in too good shape to be ancient and it’s inscribed with some phrase written in English. I suspect it was cut by professionals in nearby Knoxville and that there is another one of these sculptures, perhaps featuring Dracula’s face, in the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not museum up the street.
lindsay lohan is still in the hospital with a "high fever" after already spending five days there. the stay has so far cost her her guest appearance on boyfriend wilmer valderrama's "that '70s show". the shoot was scheduled for last thursday. her crazy father said "it might be meningitis."

hollywood love updates: justin timberlake has been spotted buying his sweetie (still cameron diaz) sexy lingerie at the ever so hip agent provocateur. romancing his sweetie in a different way, danny moder has been wearing an empathy belly around the house so he can get into wife julia roberts pregnant shoes.

star jones's fiance al reynolds sure isn't doing anything to curb the rumors that he really plays for the other team. he spent last saturday at a very gay halloween party dressed in a speedo.

sunday night was a victory for ben affleck's cherished red sox and also for his romance with jennifer garner. the two made their first public appearance at game 2 of the world series.

this won't be swept away 2. madonna and guy ritchie are filming in london for ritchie's upcoming revolver. ritchie is sticking to what he does best this time, gangster films.

add magic potions to britney's diet of cheetos and red bull. the star's desperate attempts to get pregnant on her fiji honeymoon have lead her to trying a local fertility brew.

the sun scored a coup with this picture of johnny depp as willy wonka. the expatriate actor is set to take on the role for a jennifer aniston/brad pitt-produced remake of the film of the popular roald dahl book.

milli vanilli may have blamed it on the rain, but the ashlee simpson camp are blaming her lip sync fiasco on acid reflux. get this gal some nexium, stat!

Monday, October 25, 2004

as you've probably already noticed, i'm back from my trip to tennessee where i did not drink jack daniel's and my man did not eat bbq. we did learn the true meaning of "git 'r' done", though. in case you, my faithful readers, were not resourceful enough to find your own gossip last week, here's a round-up of some of last week's most thought-provoking stories.

18/10/04:
  • an over-worked scarlett johansson had her tonsils removed. jared leto bought her truckloads of ice cream.

    19/10/04:
  • bryan singer finally put to rest months of speculation by casting a relative unknown as the new superman.

    20/10/04:
  • duh. the picture britney spears used for the cover of her greatest hits cd packaging uses an old body shot with a new face shot. i mean, it's so obviously pre-cheetos.
  • nicky hilton wants to follow-up her las vegas annulment by opening a las vegas hotel. (paris plans on opening club paris in sin city and a paris suite in the aladdin hotel. said the elder hilton, "las vegas is hot, planet hollywood is hot and i wanted to be part of the newest, hottest resort in las vegas.")

    21/10/04:
  • ashley olsen is a slob. at least mary-kate thinks so. maybe that's why she's escaped to la.
  • john travolta and kelly preston are under heavy security after receiving unspecified threats. apparently people still haven't gotten over battlefield earth and view from the top.

    22/10/04:
  • renee zellweger has pulled the plug on her janis joplin biopic indefinitely, citing poor scripts. luckily, the pink version is still in the works. i can't think of anything that better says "oscar" than pink singing "bobby mcgee". she gave such a heart-wrenching performance in the video for "don't let me get me".
  • colin farrell has admitted to smoking and liking heroin. who hasn't? (the proprietor of britpoppa has never smoked, snorted, shot or otherwise ingested smack, nor does she endorse such behavior. freebasing, however, is an entirely different matter altogether, which she thinks is a-okay.)

    finally, everyone light a candle for lindsay lohan, who may currently be hospitalized with a severe fever.
  • britney totally wanted to be the huckabees girl and like threw a fit when david o. russell gave the part to naomi watts.

    pulp's jarvis cocker is doing the score for harry potter and the goblet of fire (via whatevs.org). he may do a cameo as well. perhaps in the band with franz ferdinand.

    gavin rossdale is a daddy. but not to gwen's baby. the revelation that he has a 16-year-old daughter has gwen seeking marriage counseling.

    the chemistry between ethan hawke and julie delpy in before sunrise and before sunset is spreading off-screen. the pair have been spotted on several nyc dates.

    jake and kirsten have been spotted making out all over la. he may have gone there first, but i wouldn't want to go anywhere near where rick salomon has been.

    get ready to shell out the bucks to watch two gals "do it for poppy". an usher sex tape is rumored to be circulating. he was 19 at the time.

    i can't wait to read the heroin chapter! nicole ritchie is trying to market an advice book for young ladies.

    everyone's reporting about the ashlee simpson snl lip sync snafu, so i guess i should join in. everyone's favorite teen magazine cover girl has been proven a hypocrite, since she has been quoted in interviews that she would never pull a milli vanilli.

    paris hilton is in love. the "lucky" guy is mark philippoussis from australia. mark is 27-year-old tennis player from australia and has left his pop star girlfriend for the heiress. paris showed off a bare-chested pic of philippoussis on her cell phone to the paparazzi. i give this one two weeks.

    gael garcia bernal hates lynn hirschberg almost as much as courtney love. the times reporter said the hunky mexican had trouble with his homosexual love scenes in pedro almodovar's bad education. he says this is not true.

    real-life love birds adam brody and rachel bilson may be engaged. their "oc" counterparts, seth and summer, don't seem to be headed for such luck in love this season (which starts next thursday!!!!).

    Tuesday, October 19, 2004

    I promised Kate I would write a CD review for her. I decided to write it out longhand in my notebook and quickly filled up five pages. I came to the realization at that point that instead of going on and reviewing more of the CD I should just post it, so that's why it's so long. Sorry I ramble, just ask Kate.

    - r
    Fairly obscure band CD review
    "Fortune" by The Mendoza Line
    Alright, it’s true. I admit I’m slightly biased. Since stumbling upon a used CD of theirs in Austin, Texas during Spring Break of 2002, then promptly missing them perform live the next night at the South by Southwest Festival, to see ‘Citizen Toxie,’ if memory serves, I have openly been in love with this band. After two full years of almost comical misses, I was finally able to catch them live this summer in Hoboken as they struggled to get their latest CD distributed stateside. After months of negotiating this and that and signing whatever dotted lines people are forced to sign for those sorts of things, their new album is finally here (for those who didn’t buy it early at a greatly reduced price from the lovely Shannon McArdle after one of their gigs). And sweet God, it is so deliciously good.
    Just quick history first. The Line formed back in 1996 in McLean, Virginia then promptly moved to Athens, Georgia to fester in the bourgeoning music scene there. After a few missteps with notorious alternative labels, they relocated to Brooklyn and have stayed blissfully under the radar while composing some of the most heartbreakingly gorgeous bad time music; usually highlighting the invariable low points in life - the break ups and break downs, drunk cock ups you just can’t live down no matter how soberly you behave afterwards. They are a band that makes you feel both better and worse about your current situation. Someone to commiserate with in the corner of a bar, sighing into suds just waiting for last call. They have maintained this posture perfectly through every album.
    But ‘Fortune’ is a slight departure. It’s difficult to pinpoint where exactly The Line found its new subject matter. Possibly it was during their long tours of Europe through the past few years. Or this could just be flat out maturation, but ‘Fortune’ seethes with the voice and discontent of the expatriate. As Shannon brays in "Faithful Brother (scourge of the land)," "all these false visions in my head of what united statehood should be." They speak of the welcoming gestures of foreign societies and the unspoken resentments of those same societies for all things American, a shackle perhaps The Line themselves would like to cast off seeing as how the red, white and blue have blatantly ignored them for roughly eight years. No matter though. The Line isn’t just looking back at past mistakes, of those they shouldn’t have slept with one night, forever wishing those mistakes would just go away. Now they are speaking of the ills of our nation, or at least the ills others seem to see in us.
    From the opening track, "Fellow Travelers," which features an unexpected chorus intoning the phrases "can’t afford it anyway," and "wash it away," almost as if the act of this song, and perhaps this whole album was a purification ritual, this set seethes with the uncomfortable truth of discontent. These are artists confused, not only by what they see around them, but also by the state of their own lives and the limits of what their talents can impress upon them. There’s no fame to be found in their future, and it’s arguable that they don’t even want that. But The Mendoza Line are feckless students. They watch the world around them. The stomping blood and guts recklessness of our current national rationale, and the quiet truth of a lonely evening with nothing but a bottle as some token solace.
    There’s no hope for the endless cascade of doe-eyed dreamers. Leave that for the pop music of the FM graveyard. Music, truly good music emphasizes the simple truth of life. We are human. We are flawed. And bad things often happen but we try to bask in the shallow comfort of knowing that at least it’s universal.
    Even the most openly pop themed, up tempo number, "Before I Hit the Wall" denotes this. Peter Hoffman is not telling us how kick ass his life is. He is telling us how kick ass his life could be if all he desired would just magically become true. The have and have nots are becoming more apparent in our everyday lives. And the truth of this is that while Hoffman still could have all he wants, he, like all of us will careen head first into solid brick. We are only mortal after all.
    Loose parties and uplifted spirits show themselves only briefly in "The Architect’s Eye," where people find themselves "dangling from the chandelier," but this raucousness is fleeting and though genuine, it speaks of all wild nights with a glossy fabulous exterior hiding a true and much more depressing interior. All parties are superficial and the excitement only extends as far as one is able to capably stretch it. The Line obviously was never intended for feel good group functions. It only stands to reason that a turgid and thoroughly unhappy song should follow. "Metro Pictures," where Tim Bracy and Shannon share lyrics of such resentment to formality and romanticism you would imagine they look upon such trifles as inconvenient chores (it also shocks that the two of them are romantically involved). "And later outside where you told your one true wish and I hid my smile because it sounded so foolish."
    But the honest truth is that despite how much their songs seethe with despair, you will always feel a need to listen to them, not just when you’re down. The Line sounds so gorgeous that you can’t help but shiver in pleasure from the beautiful heartbreak. Music shouldn’t sound this good. But it does, and we are all the better for it. Textures and phrases build upon themselves always just one step away from total collapse. In previous albums, oftentimes The Line would just let a track or two fall apart into total chaos, but throughout this album they see their songs to completion. In fact, this is probably their most professional sounding release.
    All told The Mendoza Line is one of those sweet secrets you carry around with you. That little band that grants you entry to a secret society, because everyone else is too busy with Coldplay and such. But The Line are not elitists. Their music is truly for everyone. And they never disappoint. "Fortune" is a blessing.
    "Got this last one from my diary and throw it in the fire, and start all over again."
    Hello.
    For the next 24 hours I am in control. Slightly less time than that actually, but it is all mine for now.
    I have, however, promised to be on my best behavior, and I am only as good as my word.
    Those of you who are already familiar with me are no doubt vaguely revulsed by my being here. Those who are strangers to me will no doubt be revulsed by me around midnight tomorrow.
    Kate, with whom I've been a close acquaintance for nearly a decade now, was kind enough to allow me access to her blog, and I shall do my best to uphold the principles of Britpoppa.
    I think those are celebrity, counter-cultural exegesis and a wispy almost indefinable malaise just lightly washing over oneself.

    Let's see if we can get this done.

    My upstairs neighbor just dropped a whole bookshelf on his floor/my ceiling.

    Welcome to my world.

    - r

    Friday, October 15, 2004

    nothing looks better on a man than a white blazer and a pink t-shirt. colin farrell and jamie foxx are set to star in the film version of "miami vice". don johnson and phillip michael thomas were surprised and devastated that they were not to reprise their roles as crockett and tubbs.

    beyonce has agreed to back a barry manilow musical. she also plans to duet with neil diamond on her next album.

    elton john is getting women to take their clothes off. yes, you read that right. sarah ferguson, kate moss and lara flynn boyle (among others) will pose nude for a new calendar to benefit elton's aids foundation.

    nicky hilton and todd meister's rep confirms that they are thinking of splitting. nicole ritchie and dj am, however, may be engaged.

    chris rock will host this year's oscars. andrew dice clay is set to host the emmys.

    season 2 of "the oc" will feature much fewer fights and much more nana. a triumph for elderly jewish pacifists all over the us.

    adam levine of maroon 5 has possibly split from his model girlfriend. and all after this cute article in ellegirl was just published.

    Thursday, October 14, 2004

    13-year-old jojo, singer of the inescapable radio hit "leave (get out)", is in talk to make her movie debut in nickelodeon's upcoming aquamarine. the comedy is based on a novel about two girls who discover a mermaid in their pool. a mermaid comedy? you might as well give nickelodeon a license to print money because this is going to be a gigantic hit!

    also, macaulay culkin has plead not guilty to that little drug charge thing. everyone knows former child stars never get involved with drugs.
    the olsen twins have asked that "skinny mirrors" be installed into their humongous nyc apartment. and who can blame them? it's really tough being the "fat" twin.

    brandon davis has confirmed that paris hilton fancies the "n word". boyfriend of the oc's mischa barton, brandon told the national enquirer, "she is a racist plus an idiot." well, brandon is a pretty boy plus a tattle tale. defamer offers the ultimate solution to paris's loss of her huge black fanbase, "Paris' Backdoor Multicultural Gang Bang For Unity, where the only N-word is 'naughty'."

    kevin federline is totally up for a "queer eye" makeover. he just needs to ask his wife first (via la.com). but before carson can get the poor guy some shoelaces, he's going to hawaii to celebrate his marriage to britney spears with all her a-list buddies.

    elton john has admitted his comment that madonna should be shot "was a bit unfair." her red string bracelet must be working.

    harry potter, daniel radcliffe's hip musical taste has led to franz ferdinand playing at the yule ball in the next potter film. they may be dressing in drag to do so.

    count your blessings, jake. your ex-girlfriend's true colors are coming out and they're pretty ugly. kirsten dunst has been spotted on the town with rick salomon, star of one night in paris.

    Wednesday, October 13, 2004

    tvguide.com is dishing out the gossip today:
  • lindsay lohan will guest star in a november sweeps episode of "that '70s show" as a client at fez's hair salon. fez and kelso will then tear each other to shreds at the chance to discover whether her bodacious tatas are real.
  • nicky hilton may be attempting to annul her marriage to the toddmeister. maybe he's disappointed that she has been spending so much time out with ashlee simpson.
  • britney spears no more. louisiana's contestant for mrs. cheeto usa has told a german magazine she wants to officially become britney federline.

    and yesterday:
  • matthew perry will direct and star in the november 23rd episode of scrubs alongside his dad. i'm guessing the now out of work actor begged that his role become a recurring one.
  • alfie will no longer be my birthday present from jude law. it has been pushed back from an october 22nd release to november 5th. we all know that means it will be a classic.
  • lindsay lohan basically quoted her new song, "rumors", when she called in to the ryan seacrest show and said that the whispers around town about her precarious behavior causing problems on the herbie set are completely unfounded. she also flipped out on sugar ray and extra's mark mcgrath when he tried to console her.

    it seems like p. diddy was eating prunes instead of raisins when he prepped for his role in the revival of "a raisin in the sun". during one of the performances, the rap mogul got diarrhea ch ch ch.

    hugh grant threw a tantrum saturday night in edinburgh when he was refused a table at a popular restaurant. he did indeed ask, "don't you know who i am?"

    donatella versace says brad pitt is too clean cut. has she not seen this pic?

    "she looks like a cross between someone in a gay club at six in the morning and someone's who's trying to save trees." robbie williams is regretting the comment he made about christina aguilera in his book, feel. he hopes that a letter will clear the air between the two of them.

    wtf? bjork was originally offered a role as one of the charlie's angels. i hear that swan dress is surprisingly breathable.

    Tuesday, October 12, 2004

    it's the return of hart!
    this week i'm on time and i'm ready to wow you with my reviews of vans' slip-ons, mandy moore and last night's "everwood".

    maybe you've steered clear of the van slip-ons because they've been everywhere the past couple of years. they've definitely made a comeback since the heyday of jeff spicoli. or maybe you just don't want to rock the old school surfer look. but i'm telling you, these shoes aren't about the look. they're all about the comfort. besides keeping me from ever having to tie another double knot, my basic black slip-ons allow me to never question what shoes i will put on in the morning. they go with almost everything. and did i mention that you don't have to tie them? this is such a bonus when you're having to run out the house for a doggy bathroom break or you're stoned out of your gourd and couldn't do bunny-ears to save your life, man. order a pair at vans.com. you can even customize them.

    mandy moore, how you trouble me. i think mandy definitely has her heart in the right place. she just seems to make so many bad decisions. let's start with her music career. she's barely had a hit since her first, "candy". when "candy" came out, i was skeptical. here was this emaciated 15-year-old trying to out britney britney. and mandy has since said that she can't stand the song. the thing is, it's the best song she's ever done. and when it comes on, a rare event nowadays, i love it. her subsequent efforts have been weak. her last album consisted of covers by artists like cat stevens and carole king and she recently dueted with michael stipe on the beach boys's "god only knows" for the saved soundtrack. girl can pick some good songs but she sure tears them to shreds. this brings us to her movie career. she is a much better actress than she is a singer, but she doesn't have the best track record in terms of choosing roles. the princess diaries was a good vehicle for her debut. she played a bratty high-schooler, something at which she is quite adept. she didn't head straight for the lead and it was a nice introduction for what was to come. the surprising hit a walk to remember was a christian tear-jerking vomit fest, but mandy proved she could be the nice girl as well as the bitch. in how to deal mandy played an artsy teen with family and friend problems up the wazoo. all i can say about this one is she looked darn cute doing it. chasing liberty sucked and saved! was really only saved by her pitch-perfect performance as an uptight, over the-top wwjd-type christian (the opposite of her awtr role). again, mandy has attempted to do some interesting things, they just haven't turned out all that well. hopefully her turn in john turturro's upcoming nyc musical, romance and cigarettes will give her the cred she needs to become a respected actress. all these missteps aside, i can't help but like the girl. she never goes wrong in terms of fashion, a calvin klein girl to the core. mandy also knows a good looking man when she sees him; she dated wilmer pre-lindsay and scorching hot andy roddick. now she's rumored to be stepping out with zach braff. mandy, i give you at b-.

    i have been hooked on "everwood" since episode two. it's a family show, but not completely gag-inducing like it's preposterous predecessor, "seventh heaven". i mean, they have used the word "dick" at least twice. i have to say, that things have gotten both better and worse since amy and ephram finally hooked it up. while there's none of the annoying "will they or won't they" plotlines anymore, there's also none of the exciting "will they or won't they" plotlines anymore. who wants to watch these two cuddle up and catch the latest lindsay lohan flick? also, amy got 1400 on her sat? yeah right. that girl's the reason kaplan prep courses were invented. but, anyway, the shift in focus from this couple's troubles to their togetherness has allowed for a lot more growth in our minor characters. hannah is especially promising as the mousy next door neighbor with eyes for bright. she shined last night in her date prep scenes with nina. speaking of nina, it was pretty great when she realized she has eyes for andy. i just think she'll definitely be fighting to get his attention from anne heche's character and her ailing husband. i would rather have had nina being fought over, but andy is too oblivious to realize his feelings for her. finally, what is up with bright "doin' it" in ephram's practice room? it was totally glossed over. i mean, presumably this means the studmuffin has popped his cherry. since when does a wb show ignore such a momentous occasion? and why is next week a repeat?
    gawker's down. i don't know if i should relish this opportunity to take over the world of gossip blogging or shed a tear in honor of my certain boredom today at work.

    a post on the lime-light.org messageboard claims that an article in star magazine is alleging that mary-kate olsen has added cutting to her vices, a list that already includes starving herself, smoking and snorting tons of blow. all that bad girl behavior must be getting to her since she totally blew up at a bunch of pre-teen fans outside da silvano. star also writes that mk's sis has been giving her boyfriend scott sartiano lap dances and very public kisses.

    melissa etheridge has breast cancer. i hope this won't delay her awesome new sitcom.

    these college kids must be on dope. an educational housing services survey said that students would most like to have kelly ripa as a roommate. maybe over kathie lee, but...

    j. lo cried when she had to do a topless scene in u-turn. the tears came because her boobs didn't get enough screen time. jenny's u-turn co-star, sean penn, has slammed south park's creators for saying there's no shame in not voting. (tonight, i see a screening of their new team america.) in a final u-turn note, the film's director, oliver stone, lost his virginity to a hooker his dad paid for.

    tatum o'neil's new book says she was involved in orgies with melanie griffith and make-outs with michael jackson. i'm going to put my name on the library wait list right now.

    meow! this is one catfight i'd like box seats to. ted koppel and jon stewart are very pissed at each other. and it's very sexy.

    speaking of cats, kimora lee simmons's cat, max, died. max was the inspiration for the baby phat logo. he was 21. kimora is devastated. RIP max. 1983-2004.

    roseanne really hates dr. phil. don't we all? a details columnist hates adam duritz of the counting crows. actresses in "friends" aside, again, don't we all?

    gilmore girls' new bad guy is in it for the long haul. at least for now. logan, who had his debut on last week's episode, will fight with dean for rory's attention. i like that someone might take the limelight off dean, but i wish it was marty, instead.

    Monday, October 11, 2004

    i'm crazy bored and decided to join the livejournal community. what this means for you is that you can read my blog (in a much uglier version) at http://www.livejournal.com/users/britpoppa/ as well as right here. if you're a livejournal user, become my "friend". everybody needs friends, right?

    my man got a shout-out in the guardian. word around town is he's pretty great. i concur.
    christopher reeve has died after entering cardiac arrest on sunday and then, subsequently, a coma. he was 52.

    see the most heinous pictures of britney spears ever. in related news, the oxy-covered chanteuse is now officially married.

    the brits declare brad pitt and jennifer aniston's relationship is on the rocks all because the two have not made many public appearances lately. in fact, brad pitt has been seen out and about ALONE on several occasions. perhaps ms. aniston is going through a bit of post pardom depression after delivering the final episode of friends.

    a "beauty therapist" claims david beckham performed oral sex on her. "surprisingly" the football star has denied the claims, stating "everyone knows i like me fish with chips."

    allegations have come out that prince harry may have attempted to cheat on an art exam. an art exam? i mean who cares? it's not like that stuff is important.

    madonna is getting ready to reinvent herself as the next simon cowell. she may serve as a judge on pal, missy elliott's new show, "the road to stardom". sounds to me like "the road to retirement".

    sorry gals, newly brunette renee zellweger is still dating jack white.

    Friday, October 08, 2004

    next saturday i embark upon a roadtrip of epic proportions. i will be traveling to the land of kitsch, tennessee. there, i will visit such landmarks as graceland and cooter's place. it will be magical. anyway, what this means is that i will, in all likelihood, not be able to update britpoppa. this is where you come in. i urge you to come, be my guest, guest blog writer, that is. if you would like to write for a day or more, drop me a line. i'm guessing no one will step up to the plate, but i had to give it a try. i think you should try it too. you and britpoppa: a partnership made in blogging heaven.
    congratulations to stella mccartney, she's three months pregnant with her first child. the baby will be only two years younger than her father's recently born daughter, beatrice. it's kind of weird when your playmate is your aunt.

    martha stewart's reps are being pitched on a post-prison reality show in which martha is given tips by ol' dirty bastard (via gawker). this is just too strange to joke about.

    avril lavigne wants to make her movie debut as courtney love. courtney, predictably, loves the idea.

    mary-kate olsen has come up with a new way to shed the pounds, smoking. she may have found the dirty habit more fun than starving herself, since it allows her to scarf down the sweets at serendipity 3.

    british bookies have decided that hagrid is the character most likely to die in the next harry potter book. the sixth novel is to be entitled, harry potter and the half-blood prince.

    imdb news:
  • matt leblanc is fighting back at the claims of his former driver that he used the limo for gay liaisons.
  • angelina jolie and bernie mac have taken out full-page ads in the trades to congratulate billy bob thornton on his star on the walk of fame. who will get a star next? jeff foxworthy?
  • jude law is desperate to play hamlet on the london stage.

    a post on the lime-light.org members-only messageboard claims not only is mandy moore kissing zach braff at john kerry fundraisers, but natalie portman is back with gael garcia bernal.
  • Thursday, October 07, 2004

    it seems like justin and cammie are still together despite recent rumors to the contrary. this picture was taken last saturday.

    according to a lime-light.org messageboard, joel madden told howard stern that he was waiting until hilary duff (fuck, i have been spelling her name wrong all this time) turned 18 to "bang" her. what a gentleman. he's got less than a year to go!

    if you're in preemptive "say anything" withdrawal due to the imminent death of ym, now short for "your magazine", a britpoppa reader tells me, check out the black table's compilation of hip chicks' embarrassing moments.

    it's not a surprise anymore. naomi campbell is throwing usher "do it for poppy" raymond a surprise party this saturday at the rainbow room. anyone want to crash?

    it's sad when the new york daily news knows you're fired before you do. britney spears and her manager of eight years, larry rudolph, have split up. it could because her brother bryan is desperate to take the reins.

    sharon, watch your back. charlize theron would like to marry ozzy osbourne.

    fyi: the black eyed peas' fergie, aka stacy ferguson of "kids incorporated" and wild orchid, is dating josh duhamel of win a date with tad hamilton! and "las vegas".

    teresa heinz kerry better not wear blue on friday night because laura bush said she will hunt her down and kill her if she does (well, not in so many words).

    it's sure to be a storybook wedding, as long as the storybook is scary stories to tell in the dark. marilyn manson plans to wed his girlfriend, dita von teese, in a castle in berlin this november.

    jack osbourne may or may not have kimberly stewart's old breast implants framed on his wall.

    Wednesday, October 06, 2004

    buy up as many issues of ym as you can because some day they might be worth something. no, not because a few unauthorized issues were leaked this month featuring cover girl paris hilton spewing the "n word" like it was going out of style (come on, now. racism will never go out of style). no, buy these issues up because ym (which originally stood for "young miss" and was then changed with bonnie fuller's reign as editor to "young and modern") has just been purchased by s.i. newhouse. and you know what that means, things are going to get conde nasty. you will soon no longer be able to enjoy such hard-hitting regular features as "say anything" (they totally started the embarrassing moments thing) and "cool thought" because, with the december/january issue, the magazine will merge with (or really be submerged into) teen vogue. while i no doubt commend tv for its awesomeness (as demonstrated by my recent subscription to it), i can't help but feel a little sad about the demise of this far inferior sentimental favorite. my sister was a ym subscriber before she realized it was much cooler to read sassy. thus, i was a ym reader at quite a young age. i shared her issues (much cooler back back in the day, covering then debaucherous drew barrymore and belinda carlisle as well as the enviably cool sherilyn fenn of "twin peaks") with my fellow 10-year-olds at the ymca and felt my own cool factor rise for doing so. sure, the magazine has lost its edge over the years, as well as its readership, and subscribers will undoubtedly benefit from their exposure to teen vogue's superiority, but i still must use this time to say, "thank you, ym, for making me proud to call myself young and modern for life."
    half-assed review tuesday
    today i bring to you "half-assed review tuesday" (hart), which is so half-assed that it is actually coming to you on wednesday. i will use this "column" as a forum with which to share my partially-formed judgments on such matters as books, television, music and movies. you will undoubtedly find it crucial to your own opinion-forming process and will go through "hart" withdrawal when i am similarly late to post in the future. and thus, without further ado, i bring to you "half-assed review tuesday," starring interpol's "antics", the veils's "the runaway found" and queen latifah's taxi.

    if i were a teacher, i would give this recording a c+. it's not as bad as it could have been, but it's not really as good as it could have been, either. i think you really need to be in the mood for a downer for this record to really hit home for you. or else you need to live in new york. or wish that you lived in new york. the album screams mediocrity, and while i might listen to it a couple more times, i'm glad i downloaded it for free (several months ago and never listened to it until a few days ago) instead of shelling out $12+ for it.

    okay, so this cd was released in january. i never said i was up to date on this stuff. it totally rules, though. finn andrews sings with all the cockiness that you would expect from a guy whose voice channels rufus wainwright, morrisey and julian from the strokes and who fired all his band mates this past summer. but the cockiness is completely sweet when it comes from the 21-year-old son of barry andrews of xtc. finn wrote most of the tracks on "the runaway found" when he was 17 and 18 and it shows. his lyrics are naive and evocative, but also authoritative, romantic and poetic, which should serve to make him the envy of teenage boys in eyeliner the world over. ultimately, i have fallen for this cd because i'm a sucker for strings in pop songs. it makes me want to wear black and be in high school again. in a very good way.

    taxi is the worst movie i have seen in recent memory and that includes the perfect score. i was hoping for more from state alums, thomas lennon and ben garant, but all i got were a couple of daewoo cracks and a queen latifah zinger about a half hour in. the rest was the kind of garbage that made me long for the days of kangaroo jack. bizarrely enough, the audience seemed to enjoy it. they were primarily black, though, if that sways your opinion. no offense to african americans, i love you guys, but you were the reason my baby's daddy got made.
    britney has gone wild, throwing a beverage at the paparazzi for the second time in a week.

    trannies, rejoice! j. lo is going on tour. i guess the latina sensation has finally accepted her mistake and her fate as marc anthony's wife as she and her hubby did the red carpet together for the first time since getting married four months ago. she is also trying to get her relationship with ben affleck out of the public's collective memory by attempting to have the video for "jenny from the block" permanently removed from mtv and vh1.

    the spongebob squarepants movie is duking it out with garden state and wicker park to determine whose soundtrack has the most indie cred (as if such a thing exists). anyway, the sbsp soundtrack will feature songs from wilco, the flaming lips, the shins and ween, some exclusive and some previously released. zach braff may be impishly cute and josh hartnett may look like my dad, but i've got to give it to nickelodeon on this one.

    just weeks into their first year at nyu, gawker thinks the olsen twins have dropped out. they called the cynthia nixon thing, remember?

    defamer had such a good headline for this, i gotta steal it. rodney dangerfield gets no respect from the grim reaper. that's right, folks. the long awaited sequel to ladybugs has been officially shelved. the d-man died yesterday at the ucla medical center at the age of 82.

    cablinasian tiger woods married his swedish girlfriend yesterday in a $3 million ceremony that hosted such guests as oprah winfrey, michael jordan and charles barkley.

    msn's scoop has it on good authority that hillary duff's new song "haters" is about lindsay lohan. duff warns the fiery redhead to "keep your lies out of my reality." amen, sister. the song also mentions duff's "boyfriend", which could very likely be joel madden as previously reported since the pint-sized popstar was recently snuck into a good charlotte show. scoop also gives us a look inside the kind of dirty talk that sarah jessica parker and matthew broderick share in the sack. "when we wake up we're going to have coffee, it's going to be great. i'm going to use the yellow cup," sarah says. go on with your bad self, girlie.

    never fear, those tiny breasts are real! kate beckinsale's agent has emphatically denied reports that she has tit implants.

    jake gyllenhaal is totally participating in the great american beard-off.

    those engagement rumors swirling around hot couples, jude law and sienna miller and kate bosworth and orlando bloom are complete crap their reps say. damn, i was hoping for a double wedding.

    Tuesday, October 05, 2004

    he may be 67, near-sighted and sleepy, but it's still no excuse for this.
    parker posey caused quite a stir when she took her bichon frise into an airplane bathroom with her. this goes against faa regulations and flight attendants went apeshit apparently thinking she had fed her dog a bomb. ryan adams's diminutive girlfriend was merely cleaning a diminutive poop out of her diminutive dog's crate.

    paris hilton "loves everyone". or at least she said so in defense of claims she used the "n" word in her new sex tape. i'm sure the video will prove that she not only loves everyone, but she also loves them long time.

    peta supporters, don't hate on sjp. sarah jessica revealed at the new yorker festival last weekend that, in real life, she would never wear fur. she only wore it as carrie bradshaw on satc because it was appropriate for the role. her outfits, on the other hand, were "pretty inappropriate" at times, according to the gap spokeswoman.

    renee zellweger has made millions of indie rock gals happy. she's dumped jack white, who now has only books on nikola tesla to keep him company. the bridget jones star has also decided to take a year off.

    passers-by at newcastle central station yesterday got a surprise travis gig. the band was stopped by cops for busking and delaying trains due to the 250 person crowd that showed up.

    recent reports that tiger woods had broken up with hottie elin nordegren seem to have been premature. it looks as though the two are prepping for a nearly $2 million wedding in the caribbean.

    Monday, October 04, 2004

    if you want your hair to look ridiculous, be sure to check out new gotti gel.

    gotta love elisa. this week the 25-year-old with a job better than yours gives us the scoop on mk and k-feds. despite what us magazine has been reporting about mary-kate reconciling with david katzenberg, ms. lipsky-karasz says that she has been dancing up a storm with her sister's new boyfriend's friend ali fatourechi. while the olsens slowly take over new york, mr. federline has been coming to terms with his role as protector of america's pop princess. kevin, elisa claims, has been getting gun-shootin' lessons from his new bride's bodyguard.

    fucking hell. jude law may be engaged to that snooty tart sienna miller. this bitch makes gwyneth paltrow seem positively humble.

    also engaged, but not so gag-inducingly so, are kate bosworth and orlando bloom. the two plan on having british and us ceremonies, a la gwen stefani and gavin rossdale, but kate is not wearing her $300k+ engagement ring, on the advice of both actors' managers, until they make a formal announcement. kate and orlando met on a gap commercial shoot. the elf star of the lord of the rings trilogy used to date puketastic miller.

    just as everyone else is deciding to make it official, owen wilson has broken off his one-year relationship with burlesque dancer, carolina cerisola. good thing, the crooked-nosed wilson has vince vaughn movies to make and cradles to rob.

    anthony kiedis's crazy father may have caused his son some emotional "scar tissue". the rhcp frontman's book of the same name reveals that he lost his virginity to his coke-dealing dad's girlfriend at the age of 12.

    not that you care, but "piano man" billy joel got married this weekend to a woman only five years older than his daughter.

    chris columbus will direct a film version of rent. i'm hoping it stars drew lachey, joey fatone, frenchie from american idol and fucking ricky from my so-called life.

    papa would be so proud. nick cassavettes, fresh from the success of tearjerker, the notebook, is set to direct justin timberlake, sharon stone and the girl next door's emile hirsch in alpha dog. jt, the musical manchild, will be best friend to hirsch's jesse james hollywood, a successful young drug dealer in this film based on a true story.

    Friday, October 01, 2004

    britney is clearly a fan of britpoppa.

    things aren't so simple for "simple life" co-stars paris and nicole. it seems nicole's ex-boyfriend is the one selling the new ph sex tape. ny daily news speculates this might be the reason paris skipped nicole's 23rd at the ivy.

    as if courtney love needed more trouble, legal or otherwise. she's being sued for the $50k bill she accrued with a travel agency and did not pay.

    "mischa's a lover, not a fighter." too bad the same can't be said for her oil heir boyfriend, brandon davis. davis got into a fight with a dole heir in a hollywood hot spot, after which his "oc" gal pal gave him a stern talking to.

    rock and republic has tapped victoria beckham to design for its new maternity line. this makes no sense since, even at nine months pregnant, posh can probably still fit into a size 0.

    vassar grad jessi klein blogged about the debates last night. she's so cool and pretty and funny and sexy...(via stereogum).