Monday, August 30, 2004

"and for the millionth time, 'hey ya'"...

so here's my little pseudo review of the vmas, which offered about as many surprises as another photo of britney spears barefoot in a public bathroom.

the night's highlights included:
  • the oft-fashion victim, gwen stefani's excellent ensemble
  • the fonzworth-inspired dapper duds of such urban powerhouses as jay-z, diddy, kanye west and usher
  • the introduction of jessica simpson's performance by a triumphantly cheered on redheaded mk (and a)
  • no doubt innumerable puzzled fans wondering why a "broken up" ashlee simpson and ryan cabrera were photog-ed holding hands
  • the david wain-starring, alec baldwin-narrated mtv as "dominant industrial supplies rep in the tri-state area" ad
  • the hottt hp/ipod ads
  • the fact that lenny kravitz cut off that nasty ironed hair he sported in the gap ads (which, incidentally, made me lament the fact that sjp was not filmed doing more cute dances on satc)
  • the ninja-themed condom psa (so
  • p-dids dancing to fat joe with bruce willis and to nelly with a cocktail in a plastic cup
  • beyonce and jay-z not only seated together at the event, but giving each other obvious shout-outs (are wedding bells too far off?)

    and now for the wtf moments of said awards:
  • paris hilton's "dress"
  • girls crying they were so overwhelmed by the olsen twins' appearance
  • that dude in jet's decision not to wear a shirt under his leather jacket
  • no brit/kevin appearance again
  • whoever decided to have marc anthony introduce bands directly in front of his wife's ex-boyfriend, puffy (mtv execs, play nice)
  • whoever decided to have the kerry and bush daughters talk about the importance of voting (know your audience, dude. most of your viewership isn't 18, so of course they're going to boo the girls.)

    and here are a few things that i learned from my vma experience:
  • i was totally wrong about paris and lenny hosting; they just presented and there was no "host" to speak of this year
  • the formerly titled life aquatic is now definitely officially the life aquatic with steve zissou
  • jessica simpson made the cheesy, if sweet, "angels" by robbie williams just plain cheesy and unbearable with her cover version (complete with my pet peeve, changing the pronouns of the song to the opposite sex so as not to appear "gay". i mean why can't a female angel offer the newlywed "a lot of love and affection" just as well as a male one?)
  • and finally, i am way too old to watch the vmas unless i am actually invited to them