Tuesday, August 31, 2004

zhengzhou zoo officials had better get a good man for feili soon. the chimp has taken to spitting on visitors and smoking due to sexual frustration. at least she is speaking up.
i love monkeys! you should too (via ultragrrrl).

guess i'm going to have to shell out the bucks for a region-free dvd player because blur's notoriously impossible to find stateside documentary, starshaped is finally going to be produced on dvd in england. fucking damon albarn and his fucking impossible releases. first democrazy was only issued on vinyl (and me without a record player) and now this. i really hope the next blur album comes out exclusively on 8-track.

blah, rosario dawson was arrested, blah.

warning, lindsay. tara reid doesn't fuck around. you better step off paris hilton or she may actually "punch out your lights" the way she recently threatened to in vegas (via defamer).

famously ambiguous robbie williams is refuting reports of a homosexual rendezvous.

jordan bratman may shortly have his bratwoman in the form of one christina aguilera's legal declaration of love. the newly singly pierced xtina "confessed" she'd love to be married to her beau soon. both the ny daily news and page six's reports make this claim seem a little premature as ca was witnessed enjoying a little girl-on-girl action post vmas sunday.

madonna no longer worships manolo (via gawker).

the star allegedly offered potential peeping toms $20 to spy on mk and ash's bathroom behavior at a blender-hosted vma event this past weekend. the american media tabloid predictably denies the claim.

is maverick exec guy oseary buying his own used party invitations off ebay?

phew, a lot of gossip today. i gotta get the fuck back to work.

Monday, August 30, 2004

i'm seriously considering making a trek to nyc to see this wilford brimley "multimedia musical narrative" just because the fun facts section of its website is so goddamn funny it should be illegal (via newyorkish).
not to distract from the glory that is my vma post, but if you're not reading my friend lauren's blog, you're really missing out. her workplace quiz post is a revelation. (similarly expect a new my naked dad comic later today.)
"and for the millionth time, 'hey ya'"...

so here's my little pseudo review of the vmas, which offered about as many surprises as another photo of britney spears barefoot in a public bathroom.

the night's highlights included:
  • the oft-fashion victim, gwen stefani's excellent ensemble
  • the fonzworth-inspired dapper duds of such urban powerhouses as jay-z, diddy, kanye west and usher
  • the introduction of jessica simpson's performance by a triumphantly cheered on redheaded mk (and a)
  • no doubt innumerable puzzled fans wondering why a "broken up" ashlee simpson and ryan cabrera were photog-ed holding hands
  • the david wain-starring, alec baldwin-narrated mtv as "dominant industrial supplies rep in the tri-state area" ad
  • the hottt hp/ipod ads
  • the fact that lenny kravitz cut off that nasty ironed hair he sported in the gap ads (which, incidentally, made me lament the fact that sjp was not filmed doing more cute dances on satc)
  • the ninja-themed condom psa (so
  • p-dids dancing to fat joe with bruce willis and to nelly with a cocktail in a plastic cup
  • beyonce and jay-z not only seated together at the event, but giving each other obvious shout-outs (are wedding bells too far off?)

    and now for the wtf moments of said awards:
  • paris hilton's "dress"
  • girls crying they were so overwhelmed by the olsen twins' appearance
  • that dude in jet's decision not to wear a shirt under his leather jacket
  • no brit/kevin appearance again
  • whoever decided to have marc anthony introduce bands directly in front of his wife's ex-boyfriend, puffy (mtv execs, play nice)
  • whoever decided to have the kerry and bush daughters talk about the importance of voting (know your audience, dude. most of your viewership isn't 18, so of course they're going to boo the girls.)

    and here are a few things that i learned from my vma experience:
  • i was totally wrong about paris and lenny hosting; they just presented and there was no "host" to speak of this year
  • the formerly titled life aquatic is now definitely officially the life aquatic with steve zissou
  • jessica simpson made the cheesy, if sweet, "angels" by robbie williams just plain cheesy and unbearable with her cover version (complete with my pet peeve, changing the pronouns of the song to the opposite sex so as not to appear "gay". i mean why can't a female angel offer the newlywed "a lot of love and affection" just as well as a male one?)
  • and finally, i am way too old to watch the vmas unless i am actually invited to them
  • since i was briefly hospitalized last week, i'm still catching up on my gossip. for those of you similarly not in the know, defamer made two awesome reports that i missed:
  • there is a michael ian black-penned script in existence, which will surely rule even if it is directed by ross gellar.
  • we may be in for an amazing reality tv treat in the form of a bobby and whitney "newlyweds"-esque bravo program.
  • proving i am not one to miss some farnsworth bentley gossip even if it is nearly a week old, i post: fb officially changes his name to fonzworth (via whatevs).
    at last, sweet justice: garfield, the movie that no one in the us would see with me (or at all for that matter), is kicking ass overseas. nice.

    are we surprised? robbie williams bangs porn stars and prostitutes. (see also elton john forced rw into rehab.)

    vma updates from page six (stay tuned for my comprehensive "review" of the awards show): karen o and spike jones finally go public (page six continually [purposefully?] misspells sofia coppola's name), simon rex and paris hilton are perfectly pulchritudinous/totally trashy together and, "alarmingly", the toddmeister doesn't like bijou phillips.

    it's official, little bisquick beckham is on the way.

    russell crowe seems to be taking his method acting cues from mike tyson. the star, currently filming the boxing flick cinderella man in canada, has admitted to fighting his bodyguard at a party, though has not fessed up to the alleged ear-biting during said fight.

    ja rule knows how to front. the rapper has been claiming that a posh miami pad is his "crib" and the real owner is pissed.

    tommy hilfiger is following his daughter's footsteps by entering the realm of reality tv. his foray into the genre will be more "apprentice" than "rich girls", though, documenting the attempts of sixteen designers to win their own clothing line.

    Friday, August 27, 2004

    i'm back and i'm badder than ever. well, maybe not. i'm still way too tired to do much of anything besides slowly raising my head off a pillow, but such is gastroenteritis. i highly suggest keeping away from it. despite such adventures in the stomach flu, i am determined to bring you what you need: me.

    according to everyone's favorite british gossip newsletter, popbitch, hollywood wives aren't the only ones shelling out their pretty pennies on plastic surgery. leading men like robert redford are rushing to take part in the latest celeb procedure, the testicle lift. aren't those things supposed to hang?

    also from pb, jude law calls his bimbo "se-se", david hasselhoff inspired orlando bloom to be an actor (baywatch the movie?) and barbara streisand has a tendency to use her five finger discount on movie sets.

    it's tough being a potential first daughter. the kerry sisters were not allowed to stock up on free goodies at the vma pre-parties.

    one of billy bob's innumerable exes, laura dern is engaged to long time love ben harper.

    all you future kings of real estate better sit down, your idol, the donald is planning trump university.

    speaking of the donald, his former apprentice hopeful, nick, was caught flirting with a very married mena suvari at a recent party in nyc.

    from imdb:
  • "missing" tinkerbell was really only at grammy hilton's house.
  • rebecca romijn(-stamos?) is seeing vern from stand by me. becky is just one in a long list of o'connell conquests including, ginger spice buffy.
  • don't worry, lindsay is still technically on the market. she and fez have only been shopping for promise rings, not rings of the engagement variety.
  • let's hope they conceived in bumfuck this time. friends of the beckhams are confirming the pregnancy rumor.

    rad news: there's going to be a muppet version of the wizard of oz. bad news: quentin tarantino is going to be in it.
  • Wednesday, August 25, 2004

    i'm sick, my lovelies. i have gastroenteritis. i know you miss me. i'll be back soon.

    Friday, August 20, 2004

    oh man, i really hope winona's other exes, connor, rhett, et al., are as crazy as pete yorn seems to be.
    nicky has someone to thank for her recent wedding and it's not her sister. it's tinkerbell.

    i interrupt this gossip for an important announcement, pamela anderson did NOT name her sons after 90210's popular '90s hunks. she told jason priestly that she had never seen the show. yeah and i heard she's a virgin too.

    maybe they'll name the next one hamlet. posh and becks could be pregnant.

    Thursday, August 19, 2004

    it's kind of lame and bizarre, but i'm really delighted that we are currently winning the olympic medals race (well, china has two more gold medals than we do, but we have 4 more than they do overall). this is puzzling to me because i am not exactly a) interested in sports or b) patriotic in any sense (unless weeping at independence day counts [i was 15, give me a break]). keep up with the tally here.
    lizzie grubman, queen of the hamptons hit and run, will star in her own mtv reality show.

    the apprentice's omarosa attended katrina's wedding last week much to the chagrin of ereka. the drama was apparently caused by the urging of katrina's lawyers to be more inclusive at her get togethers.

    another one bites the dust. michael pitt is devastated by his break up with asia argento.

    britney's got a taste for plastic. when asked what she last had in her mouth, she replied, "a dildo".

    this might not be the most sanitary idea, but it is the most adorable.

    brandy goes all seinfeld on scientology. i guess the celebrity-friendly religion doesn't look down on fake marriages.

    Wednesday, August 18, 2004

    we can all rest easy. the hootch will soon be reunited with her pooch.
    britney and kevin may replace nick and jessica as mtv's newest newlyweds and, sadly, ashlee may be leaving the network as well. possibly as an intro to her reality show role, britney's video for her bobby brown cover, "my prerogative", will feature simulated nuptials with a kevin lookalike. i hear brian austin green is available.

    i guess robbie williams has moved on from maroon 5's gf, he's dating a star of nip/tuck.

    carrie bradshaw may not have liked the life of politician's girlfriend, but sarah jessica parker may be prepping for a life as a politician's mother. she's getting her son involved in politics early by teaching him to say "president kerry".

    who knew spicoli had such a buff bod?

    marc anthony did not knock up that miami waitress, but did he plant his seed in j-lo's garden?

    Tuesday, August 17, 2004

    "Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if I had remained on the hot coals burning my pretty flesh." in a nonsensical twist of events, new line hopes to add evil dead's ash to the freddy vs. jason franchise. i threw that quote in there just for you, lauren (via defamer).
    i don't think lindsay lohan could pick a more retarded way to keep fans loyal than threatening to kick their asses when they ask her to pose for photos with them (via defamer).
    everyone remembers him as the fatty who can't see magic eye sailboats, and now ethan suplee is ready to star in what is sure to be another cult movie for the hipster crowd, art school confidential. i'm excited for this film, which also enlists anjelica huston and john malkovich and is based on a comic by daniel clowes. it will mark a reunion of the clowes/zwigoff/buscemi team so excellently paired in ghost world.

    maroon 5 hottie, adam levine warns robbie williams to back off his lady and proclaims nine inch nails' "closer" a "passionate, beautiful, emotional song."

    who thought ice queen anna wintour would eschew fashion elitism?
    wedding news:
    british tabs are reporting that cameron diaz will be getting a pretty big present from justin timberlake for christmas, wedded bliss.

    james brolin and diane lane got married. no word on unlucky in love minnie driver's reaction to her ex-fiance's new marriage.

    Monday, August 16, 2004

    the big news of the weekend is that nicky hilton got married to some dude. and here i thought she was still dating ian somerhalder. goes to show you how much more low profile she has than her sister, since she doesn't have to issue a press release every time she ends a relationship. i give this one six months tops.

    bad weekend for paris. not only did she lose the spotlight to her younger sister, she also lost her dog.

    jk rowling might kill harry potter.

    christina aguilera continues to de-trampify her image by removing all her piercings except one.

    david bowie may play morrissey in new movie.

    barf. jake went out on a date with jlh?

    "whoa, will you marry me?" keanu reeves proposed to his girlfriend autumn.

    Friday, August 13, 2004

    craig kilborn is ending his reign as the loser of late night television. he asked that his five-year contract with cbs not be renewed. my only concern is that he'd better start tivo-ing his show now, or he will have nothing to watch while ramming poor starfuckers from behind (via defamer).
    kevin arnold fans are in mourning today as their beloved fred savage has wed his childhood friend. the two were reunited in 1999 after parting ways in 1988. there's always paul pfeiffer; he's a hot shot yale-educated new york lawyer.

    oprah may receive her smallest paycheck ever, $17.20, if she is not chosen as a juror when she reports to jury duty on monday.
    is it wrong that i want to see vincent gallo's "thick" penis? because it definitely makes me feel dirty.

    various sources are reporting that brad pitt and jennifer aniston want to adopt. perhaps they were inspired by chandler and monica's misadventures with anna faris.

    paris's parents must be thrilled. she has reunited with the one they thought had gotten away, former fiance and tommy hilfiger model, jason shaw. however, the ny post reports that paris is spending nights out with fred durst. i prefer to think that durst and hilton are just friends, though. i mean she totally screened his call during her nefarious sex tape.

    richard gere picked a pretty bad beard in cindy crawford. jenna jameson's tell-all book makes it seem as though the supermodel may have eyes for the ladies. crawford apparently came on to jameson while they were working on an e! project. the book also details jameson's encounters with wesley snipes and bruce willis.

    Thursday, August 12, 2004

    this is so sad. this is right up there too.

    lindsay lohan's dad is causing trouble again. he collapsed with chest pains during a legal conference, presumably about one or all of his three pending legal issues.

    george clinton plead no contest this morning to paraphernalia charges he received in december. dude volunteered to the cops that he was carrying a bag of crack. nice.

    clinton aficionado snoop dogg settled some of his legal troubles as well. he was sued by the two girls (one minor, one barely legal) seen flashing their goodies to tha doggfather on his girls gone wild video. no word on what the settlement entailed. i've seen that particular ggw and it's not that great. i recommend ultimate spring break instead.
    this is so sad. this is right up there too.

    lindsay lohan's dad is causing trouble again. he collapsed with chest pains during a legal conference, presumably about one or all of his three pending legal issues.

    george clinton plead no contest this morning to paraphernalia charges he received in december. dude volunteered to the cops that he was carrying a bag of crack. nice.

    clinton aficionado snoop dogg settled some of his legal troubles as well. he was sued by the two girls (one minor, one barely legal) seen flashing their goodies to tha doggfather on his girls gone wild video. no word on what the settlement entailed. i've seen that particular ggw and it's not that great. i recommend ultimate spring break instead.
    andy dick sure could have used a good assistant tuesday night when he got out of control at nyc hot spot, suede. sources say he was kissing everything in sight and lamenting the passing of rick james. nsync's joey fatone, who hosts tuesdays at suede, had to help get the mtv reality show star out of there.

    more bad news for joey. it seems justin timberlake may be saying "bye bye bye" to the next nsync album. an insider told people magazine he is not interested in recording with his former "band" mates.

    if you want to hear about one of moby's wild nights (and i suggest you don't), read on.

    cameron's people deny the engagement rumors despite the giant rock she's been sporting (via defamer).

    maddox jolie becomes the first celebrity baby with a camera phone.

    if star wars makes you wet, check out these pictures. so many wookies, so little time.

    Wednesday, August 11, 2004

    i love mini coopers, but this is retarded.
    who knew 86-year-old mike wallace was such a badass? i like a man who can throw down every once in a while. sorry, tom brokaw, it seems my prolonged infatuation with you has been overtaken by a new newsman (via gawker).
  • jennifer lopez, in a desperate attempt for more publicity, may star on "will and grace" again.
  • i had no idea jenna jameson was married.
  • foul-mouthed robert deniro may be remarrying his ex-wife.
  • kate hudson swears her marriage is not in trouble and recounts the early days of her relationship with chris robinson, when he tried to buy her love with a pink coat.
  • could jake and kirsten be reconciling?
  • bjork will be opening the olympics.
  • screw you, lucy clarkson. the sun reports that cameron d. and justin t. are engaged.
  • reese witherspoon doesn't fuck around when it comes to magazine coverage. she brought out the lawyers when it seemed vanity fair had plans to scrap her cover.
  • Tuesday, August 10, 2004

    not at all bitter that they didn't take my one attempt at a submission, the black list is really pretty funny today.

    in a british article that sounds completely made up, kirsten dunst speaks out about her break up with america's most eligible bachelor. hopefully, she didn't actually say, "He's a stay-at-home boy, I'm an out-on-the-town girl." who talks like that? (via defamer)

    kylie and olivier haven't called it quits yet. they were spotted very purposefully holding hands while walking near the oz singer's london apartment.

    are alicia keys and usher the hip-hop world's latest romance? could be; they've been on a number of dates lately, though they are working on a duet called "my boo". usher's former "boo", tlc's chilli, recently ditched the "scrub" amidst reports of infidelity.

    matt damon wants to do a character-driven porno and compares the genre to action. i think he has a guaranteed hit on his hands.

    naomi campbell followed up her notorious cell phone throwing incident by beating up her maid on saturday. naomi's plans for today include stealing candy from babies and drowning kittens in burlap sacks.

    posh is trying to avoid another rebecca loos situation by moving to madrid. britons wonder if she will be able to make it in spain, but i'm pretty sure that they have versace boutiques there too.

    page six reports that ryan cabrera and ashlee simpson's on-screen/off-screen romance has come to an end and that mtv's slutty vj vanessa minnillo is dating j-lo's ex, cris judd.

    former chanel girl, devon aoki is set to follow up in such model's footsteps as milla jovovich and tyra banks by recording an album.

    kevin powell, the real world's original angry black man, got into a bar brawl at BLVD in nyc.

    heather matarazzo is a rug muncher.

    Monday, August 09, 2004

    still confused about which celebs subscribe to which bracelet "cult"? you don't have to spend late nights wondering whether winona ryder is a red string or livestrong fan any more, thanks to defamer. check out an awesome venn diagram here.
    i think i might puke, apparently scarlett johansson is after jake gyllenhaal. i hope kirsten dunst kicks the shit out of her. that would be a pretty hot cat fight.

    also, toni collette is ready to become the next actress turned singer (same link as above). when will they ever learn?
    good news for all you seth cohen fans out there, he won what i believe to be his first award ever, tv actor, drama/adventure, at the teen choice awards last night. fake-bake addict lindsay lohan was the favorite of the night, winning 4 surfboards. the show airs wednesday evening on fox, but why watch when you can see the list of winners here?

    as if i needed a reason to love apes more, the associated press is reporting that the famous sign language-using gorilla, koko, utilized her second language to alert her handlers to a prolonged toothache from which she had been suffering. the 33-year old heroine of one of my favorite children's books, koko's kitten, was given a complete check up and the culprit tooth was extracted. according to the article,
    Koko asked to meet her specialists. They crowded around her, and Koko, who plays favorites, asked one woman wearing red to come closer. The woman handed her a business card, which Koko promptly ate.
    she is doing well and is now resting in her sweet digs, which include "a makeshift toilet, television, DVD player and lots of toys."
    there is totally nothing going on today (unless you count a british story about britney buying shar jackson a house). i went to nyc last weekend and had absolutely no celebrity sightings and only about a billion vassar sightings. it seems the stars have aligned against me. i guess you all will just have to settle for looking at photos of lindsay lohan looking positively yellow and getting that messed up double chin that i always seem to have in pictures. here's a tip, ll: elongate your neck when you smile.

    Friday, August 06, 2004

    here is the target dog because i'm a sucker for bull terriers.

    guess he won't be getting super freaky anymore. rick james, soon to be played by dave chappelle, is dead.
    gawker has this way of saying what we're all afraid of thinking: "Seriously: the service class can eat us. If they didn't like being poor, why would they have those shitty jobs?"
    an example of the disturbing things that can happen when you have too much time on your hands and you love britney spears.
    paris hilton/angelina jolie edition:
  • it seems lenny kravitz is eager to spend one night in paris. an insider claims that kravitz is desperate to date his vma co-host.
  • good thing miss hilton dumped nick carter. as if beating her were not enough, he allegedly cheated on paris with a 20-year-old talent agency staffer. the staffer's description of nick shows he has a lot in common with another of paris's exes, rick solomon. "... at times he was more concerned about how he looked rather than being with me. All night long, I caught him checking himself out in the mirror next to the bed!" anyone who has seen one night in paris, knows nick has been borrowing those moves from rick.
  • (same link as above) oliver stone appears to be confirming previous months' rumors that angelina jolie and colin farrell had an affair while shooting alexander. he tells premiere, "He was all over her. He was just falling in love with her, couldn't help himself."
  • jolie may have moved on to another alexander co-star, though. the sun reports that she has been cozying up to val kilmer.
  • Thursday, August 05, 2004

    urgent bathroom poster update: it has been removed.
    brandy's engaged. and if this "second" marriage does not work out, she vows she will become a nun. this makes me wonder, can you become a nun if you have had a child? for those of you not in the know, brandy's first marriage was an attempt to keep the pregnant, unwed chanteuse from being publicly shamed. brandy defends the marriage lie by stating, "in our hearts, we lived as a married couple." in my heart, i am married to cillian murphy.

    in the category of most tasteless headline for the edie falco secret breast cancer battle story, the award goes to e! for "'Sopranos' Star Whacks Cancer".
    i don't know if this is true, but popbitch claims that "adrien brody's unfashionable chihuahua ceelo pissed all over [his the village co-star] william hurt in a new york restaurant last week. william had to eat lunch in his underpants."
    tobey maguire is set to star in electroboy, a movie about a man who engages in wild sex with strippers and then goes through electroshock therapy. i wonder if he is a method actor. watch out, scores. seabiscuit's coming!

    eric bana is not the new james bond and claims, "i haven't got a bloody clue where this all started."

    let's hope madonna isn't chasing away another husband. ny daily news reports that husband guy ritchie threatened a rabbi backstage at a miami show to which madonna exclaimed, "don't fucking embarrass me!" seems madge has a thing for hot-blooded bluebloods.

    don't watch stereogum's link to a brilliant borat song at work. but watch it. it's so good.

    Wednesday, August 04, 2004

    finding it odd that two of my ongoing b-list obsessions have the same initials. compare:
  • fabian basabe
  • farnsworth bentley
  • breaking bachelorette news: poor jen schreft, dumped by former bachelor andrew firestone and trump's first apprentice, bill rancic, will finally have her chance at a working relationship as the newest bachelorette on abc's show of the same name. while the two previous bachelorette alums have managed to keep their men, all five bachelors' tv bonds have failed.
    gawker makes the best lame in-joke for the media savvy ever:
    Over 7,000 people have registered in advance for the Unity convention, the "minority" journalist convention. Well, that's 7000 people Conde Nast's HR can put on the "do not hire" list.
    maybe i'm just bitter because my numerous interviews at cn never led to a position there.
    about three times a week, i go to dunkin donuts before work. there are two girls who regularly work there, one latina and one maybe east asian? anyway, this morning, as i come up to the register, i noticed that the asian-looking girl was sort of trying to hold back giggles and she nudged the other girl. i was getting sort of paranoid at this point, thinking that they spend the whole day laughing about me and my dad's black coffee (they don't know it's my dad's; he never goes in). i placed the aforementioned order and the asian girl poses me this question, "are you american?" to which i respond in the affirmative. she looks at the other girl and then asks, "like pure american?" i wasn't sure what that meant, so i just said yes. next, i receive the sort of compliment that i thought would never be said about me, "you're pretty like barbie." i didn't know how to respond to that so i just muttered, "thank you."

    it would suck to be molested by tigger, but it would kind of rule to be a juror for the case because you get to try on the tigger costume (via defamer).

    britney's going all neverland ranch on her soon to be stepkids. related, stereogum posts kevin federline's love letters to an old girlfriend. only a brian austin green look-a-like could make the words, "you aren't a bitch. if you were i would tell you truthfully," sound so good.

    charlize theron looks so hot with black hair.

    jude law will be playing joy divison's ian curtis.

    kid rock has been taking notes from the oc; he serenaded pam anderson with bob seger's "night moves" earlier this week.

    Tuesday, August 03, 2004

    congrats to chloe sevigny for making her first good career decision in years. she's set to play one of bill paxton's three wives on an hbo drama about polygamy from tom hank's production company. seems a little risque for hanks, but hbo dramas have yet to misstep. wish it were bill pullman, though (via defamer).

    it seems hugh jackman is joining the likes of minnie driver, paris hilton and lindsay lohan by planning to release an album. his is jazz inspired, cause, you know, robbie williams's swing when you're winning (which i mistakenly bought on a whim in london) did so well (thanks to kittytext).
    that poster is still on display in my office bathroom. i hadn't noticed before because i rarely use that particular stall. it must be working because there wasn't a "sprinkle" in sight.
    if you like jim jarmusch or japanese tourists (come on, you know you do), check out mystery train, which repeatedly features the elvis rendition of "blue moon" that i have in my head right now.
    bracelet du jour update: red strings are so out. yellow rubber is the dog's tuxedo. sure, lindsay lohan has one, but so do both presidential candidates and bono. i'm talking about lance armstrong's livestrong bracelets. these things are backordered in the thousands, a marketing technique sure to cause hangers-on to trade in their lv murakami bags for one.
    fox news' greta van susteren, fond of the taking an inappropriate celebrity to the white house correspondents' dinner tactic, is a scientologist.

    jake and kirsten were spotted sharing a meal in la. gyllenhaal wore sunglasses the entire time (perhaps to hide the shiners kiki gave to him after being inspired by nick carter's alleged bruising of ph).

    indie rockers lament as the beta band break up and then rejoice as beck plans to collaborate with jack white.

    it looks like chopper, eric bana will be the next james bond.

    mk is back on the streets with boyfriend david katzenberg (sporting a david beckham 2002 look). in related news, it seems that american media (the conglomerate that brings us the classy tab, star) is ceasing its claims that the more talented olsen was a cokehead.

    adrien brody aspires to be the next eminem? good luck, dude. i don't think that diet coke ad is doing much for your street cred.

    this is clearly bullshit. george clooney to star in matt damon-directed film with on-again gf, lisa snowdon.

    Monday, August 02, 2004

    with my propensity for serial killers, how did i not know about this guy?
    Dubbed "The Pied Piper of Tucson," for his ability to get girls to fall for him, he stood five feet, four inches tall, but added three more inches by padding his stack-heeled cowboy boots with rags and tin cans. He also dyed his reddish-brown hair black, used pancake make-up, whitened his lips, and applied a fake mole to his left cheek—a "beauty" mark.
    to quote jessica simpson, "i think i'm in love."
    why anyone would leave gael garcia bernal and then move on to the star of scrubs is beyond me, but apparently natalie portman and zach braff are romantically entangled as of late (via gawker).

    in other news, i am suspiciously happy for once.
    nicholas cage married his 20-year-old girlfriend and former sushi waitress last friday, surprisingly not in las vegas. his last marriage, to lisa-marie presley, ended possibly because cage refused to join the hollywood cult of scientology. or perhaps because lm didn't like the idea of being the prize piece in her husband's well-known elvis paraphernalia collection.
    in a bizarre attempt to recreate an elijah wood/christina ricci love scene from the ice storm, christian slater wore a nixon mask to a london strip club. when asked to demask or depart the premises, slater chose to leave.

    kylie may have shown olivier martinez the door. she's eager to become a mum and he seems more interested in partying with diddy.

    justin hawkins of the darkness pays the ultimate price for cheating, getting a prince albert.

    oh yeah, kelso and demi are making plans to get married in israel. blah, blah, blah.
    why did i leave nyc again? apparently they're giving away free tara reid peep shows these days.

    remake alert: cult classic, the valley of the dolls, is getting updated. christina aguilera will not be one of its stars.

    does paris like it rough? she has been sporting major bruises that some are attributing to ex, nick carter's, bad temper.

    chateau marmont is offering its guests a new concession, view of a billboard featuring the notorious blowjob scene from vincent gallo's the brown bunny. new yorkers seeking a free ticket to the movie, which finally opens at the end of the month, can have their wish granted by attending a gallo/sean lennon concert on the 25th. why they would do that is beyond me.