tonight's (or technically last saturday's) mtv movie awards did not:
signify the end of the hillary duff and (host) lindsay lohan feud;
convince me that said host's breasts are real;
mark the first public appearance of britney spears and kevin federline;
show eminem's bare buttocks; or
prove to be at all entertaining.
the show did manage to feature:
a fairly good parody of kill bill vol. 2, until andy dick showed up;
a pathetic girl-on-girl kiss involving paris hilton and carmen electra;
a smoking hot kirsten dunst in a look i thought no one could pull off, the jumpsuit; and
a little person made up to look like a goblin and forced to stand in a cage that served as the event's podium.